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06
Sep
11

SlickTiger And The iPad2 – the Saga Continues

By SlickTiger Leave a Comment
Categories: SlickTiger and the iPad2
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

redneckHi and welcome to the second instalment of a series of posts I’m planning on writing about my new iPad2 from the perspective of a complete tech retard.

When we last left off, your trusty narrator and host SlickTiger had just fired up his shiny new iPad2 3G for the first time when he encountered his first major hurdle – no micro SIM card.

Micro SIMs are identical to normal SIMs, only about 2 thirds the size. Not too sure why Apple decided you need these irritating little things, but apparently it’s the same for iPhones.

The good news is you can actually cut a regular SIM card to make it fit, but be sure to read this blog post first so you don’t fuck it up because I know you, all gung-ho, a meat cleaver clenched in your fist, just itching to cut your SIM cards up.

Be cool daddy-o. You own an iPad2 now, you’re better than everyone so start acting like it.

I decided not to go the SIM card cutting route and instead investigated getting an iPad2 data package through 8.ta because I got a tip off from my main man Callegari that they are the only network that currently have official iPad data packages and their data rates are pretty cheap.

 

 

Fast forward to Saturday morning and I’m sitting at the 8.ta shop on Adderley Street, iPad2 in hand with all the RICA docs the website said to bring only to be told that they can’t help me when it comes to anything iPad related because no one in the store has done the training yet.

Brilliant! You offer a product that no one in the shop is qualified to sell! Sheer genuis!

Even better than that is the fact that the sales dude then asked me where we lived so he could check what the coverage in our area (Vredehoek) is like which I’m really glad he did because there is none.

 

Next stop was the 4u Vodashop in Gardens Centre where my main man Ahmed hooked me up with a micro SIM (R210 on contract) and 1.5GB monthly data package for R249 in no time.

He said to try the data SIM in about 4-6 hours as they take a little while to activate. Twenty hours later, my iPad was still saying “You are not subscribed to a data service” every time I tried to fire up the 3G which was driving me fucking nuts.

Turns out all I had to do was get into “Settings”, select “Mobile Data”, hit “APN Settings” and enter the word “internet” in the APN field.

I hard boot the iPad and next thing I know, BOOM! I got the whole wide world in my hands.

From there with two touches I was in the iTunes app store, browsing the top free apps. Moments later I was downloading Zombie Highway and that’s pretty much as far as I got because if there’s anything radder than owning an iPad2, it’s using it to smash zombies against cars whilst popping round after round into their soft, brown skulls.

 

 

NEXT UP: SlickTiger reviews Zombie Highway and reveals the first downside of using a 3G connection on an iPad2.

-ST

05
Sep
11

Sex her the Stamos Way

By SlickTiger 4 Comments
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

john-stamos-3John Stamos, like Eddie Murphy, hardly seems to have aged a day in the last 20 years which, up until I watched the video below, was pretty much the most amazing thing about him.

But that’s all changed now (thanks to Miss Copasetic). After watching this video featuring Stamos and a super secret celebrity that shall not be named (ok, it’s Bob Saget), J-Rab and my relationship has risen to heights I never thought possible.

Stamos has perfected the art of sexing your woman gently, tenderly and soulfully and isn’t afraid to share his winning techniques in this ground-breaking video, so kick back, put on some Kenny G and prepare to have your life changed FOREVER.

 

 

My pleasure.

-ST

05
Sep
11

Benjamin Franklin – The Original Badass

By SlickTiger 2 Comments
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

franklin2As a blogger, there’s no better feeling in the goddamn WORLD than having your phone ring and picking it up to hear, “Hey Slicky-T, there’s a collection for you at reception.”

That exact thing happened to me last week after I returned from collecting my shiny new iPad2. It was like the universe was saying, “No more stray cats for supper Slick. Here’s some cool free stuff for toughing it out and always being rad.”

And that’s how I got my hands on a bottle of some fine 12 year old Oude Meeste brandy and got a free history lesson about a man I had no idea was such a badass.

I’m talking about author, printer, political theorist, politician, postmaster, scientist, musician, inventor, satirist, civic activist, statesman, diplomat and lady-killer Benjamin Franklin, whose face adorns every bottle of Oude Meeste brandy, including the one I’m making out with in the pic below.

 

 

Here are some neat facts I learned about The Dude Meister thanks to the print-out that came with the drop:

1. He was one of 17 kids, all fathered by the same man, Josiah Franklin who enjoyed making soap, candles and his wives pregnant.

2. He spent a grand total of one year in school and then started working as an apprentice to his brother, who was a printer and who treated young Benny like a total douche.

3. Among other things he gave us bifocal glasses, clean burning stoves, lending libraries, fire brigades, the first insurance company, swimming flippers and political cartoons.

 

 

4. Chicks worshipped the ground he walked on and not because he was a playa, because he was always legit, respected women and treated them as equals.

5. Even though he was the world’s biggest celebrity of the 18th century, he kept his affairs private and and was highly annoyed by the fact that people were always trying to get up in his biznizz the whole time and found gossip intensely irritating.

6. The French loved him. Read that sentence again very carefully. When have the French ever loved something that’s not French?

7. Besides signing the Declaration Of Independence, he negotiated treaties with Great Britain, France, Germany, Sweden, Germany and Spain that helped secure America’s place in the world.

8. He was humble. He worked hard and had no time for anyone who thought of themselves as special just because they were rich and famous. He was a salt of the earth kind of guy, not someone who started out cool and then turned into a prissy, whiny little bitch the minute he became successful.

The gift from Oude Meeste was also to announce that the brand has chosen a new master – “a man who embodies the hard-working spirit and unending dedication that Franklin represents.”

And this man, ladies and gentlemen, is Jamie Foxx.

 

 

Which is an interesting choice and one I can almost guarantee you was a product of the Oude Meeste marketing department reverse engineering a “master” that fits the target market they are trying to reach, but still, Foxx was the first African-American actor, and only the second man in history, to be nominated for two Oscars in the same year for two different movies, so that deserves some kudos.

It’s not quite signing the document that came to represent a moral standard on which the American Nation is built, but hey it’s still a damn side more than you or I have ever achieved, let’s be honest.

Check out the new ad with Foxx here, and decide for yourself if the new master has the stones to top ol’ Benjamin F, the original badass.

-ST

02
Sep
11

Okes Who Like To Klap It #5 – Paul Main Man

By SlickTiger 9 Comments
Categories: Klapping It
Tags: , , , , , ,

MAIN MANCharnas, I tell you the innernet is a flippin’ DAK place filled with epic tales of okes who like to KLAP IT like my new boychie Paul Main Man.

I first discovered about this BUFF CHARNA through some doos whining like a moffie on the mybroadband site because Paul Main Man is the kind of charna who not only KLAPS IT, but is also a cassanova with the belters and can flippin tear you a new arsehole in backyard wrestling!

Here’s the flippin moffie complaint I wasted a hour reading I took out all the kak parts):

…we needed our networking system sorted out so I could get some of the lads on computers to answer emails.

Anyway, this bloke turns up, dirty as hell with a bunch of wires and tools hanging out a shody bag with paint over it and addressed himself as Paul. This guy was excuse my language f***ing arrogant, the way he waltzed around the office checking out the women and making sexist remarks. i let it go, i thought in 3 days this piece of crap will be gone. I was wrong, the guy was incompetent, he was there for 5 days and then gave me an invoice of 28k ZAR, that f***ing crook. I rang Telkom and told them that I already paid so where does this guy come about invoicing me, they told me they had no knowledge of this and that payment was received and I need not pay a penny more. when I got off the phone to them I told that scum bag to not swindle me, the guy went bokers, he broke the computers and a printer and nearly punched one of my new employees Mat! I was fuming, i called the cops and he went on his way.
when I got home I did my research on this bloke and found that he does back yard wrestling and calls himself PAul Main Man. what a p***k. Be careful allclip_image001

All I can say to the charna who wrote this is catch a flippin WAKE UP BOET!

A oke who walzes and checks out women is a LEGEND who obviously is no stranger to banging two blonde belters AT THE SAME TIME.

He invoised you for that much money because this charna spends 9 days a week eating weights and crumbles BRICKS in his breakfast cereal he’s so flippin’ hard. You lucky he NEARLY punched you and didn’t ACTUALLY punch you or you’d be dead.

I found this guy on the interwebs and he’s my flippin HERO! Read his site okes, maybe you could learn a thing or two about the proper way to KLAP IT… except he doesn’t use steroids… that’s a little bit gay…

 

 

Paul, I gotta problem with my work innerwebs – the boss keeps telling me I’m watching too many videos and its inappropriate and kak like that, look me up charna, I need my own private ISDL line boychie!

-ST

02
Sep
11

The Story Of SlickTiger And The iPad2

By SlickTiger 4 Comments
Categories: Being Slick
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

mc950Twitter, I learned yesterday, is not the place to announce to the world that you’ve just won an iPad2. Either no one cares, or they’re jealous as hell and hate you instantly.

Still doesn’t change the fact that I won an iPad2 though, and not for a competition I entered but rather because we were chosen as one of the top agencies in a global campaign I worked on.

That’s right, a GLOBAL CAMPAIGN bitches! They don’t call me SlickTiger for nothing y’know – I’m out there in the front lines every day working my ass off because it’s fight or die in this life and I’m really bad at dying.

But anyway, I digest.

 

 

So after some tussles with the kind folks at the post office who demanded R1 420 bail for my iPad (all good though, global took care of it) I finally took the iPad2 home tonight and started making sweet love to it.

First thing that strikes you about it, as with all Apple’s products, is how goddamn beautifully simple and elegant the packaging is. I even filmed myself peeling off the plastic envelope the iPad2 is packaged in, because it felt like a crime not to.

Once it’s on all the screen shows is a USB cable and an arrow pointing to the iTunes icon.

 

 

“What do you think it means…?” I whispered to J-Rab.

“Um, connect to iTunes via the USB cable would be my first guess,” she replied.

“Yeah… connect to iTunes… via… USB cable…” I repeated.

So I fired up the MacBook and did just that. Then I excitedly stared at the iPad screen to find nothing had happened.

“Says here to check for the latest version of iTunes,” J-Rab offered helpfully, which we did and kapow! It started installing updates – 1.47GB of updates!

“What the fucking fuck is it doing?! It can’t download that many updates, that’s like my entire month’s bandwidth in one fucking night! Where the fuck does it think we live, KOREA?!”

 

 

“Just calm down,” J-Rab said, stopping the download and looking at “Details”. “See there? It’s trying to install the latest operating system, that’s why it’s a gig, just uncheck that and all the rest of this bullshit… there. iTunes update – 96MB.”

“Fuck yeah! Now go make me a sammich!” I said as she playfully punched me in the balls.

Soon as iTunes was updated the iPad2 magically came to life and started asking politely for its SIM card.

“What a fucking cool little guy!” I said in amazement, “He’s come alive and wasted no time in getting straight to the point. Hand over my 3G modem babe, let’s dig the SIM card out and give this little fella a brain!”

Ten minutes later (it took me awhile to figure out how to open the SIM card slot ok?) I had the SIM card tray ejected and ready to accept my SIM card… only… the tray looked really small…

“Is it just me or is this tray really small?” I asked J-Rab.

“It says here ‘Insert micro SIM card’. Is that a micro SIM card?”

“What the fuck is that?! Aren’t regular SIM cards small enough!”

“Apparently not…”

“Wait, what if we cut this one a little so it fits, won’t that work?”

“No.”

“Fuck.”

 

 

And thus ended our first night with our new iPad2. But not before we dicked around with the PhotoBooth application for at least half an hour – MAN that app is cool. If the others are anywhere near as badass, I have a feeling my life is about to become so rad no one will be able to handle it!

In the meantime, anyone know how I get my hands on a micro SIM card? Free *5s for whoever can help a nigga out.

Have a killer weekend guys, we’ll pick this up on Monday again, same time, same place Winking smile

-ST

01
Sep
11

Was Blogging Just A Fad?

By SlickTiger 4 Comments
Categories: Being Slick
Tags: , , , ,

jj_fadA couple weeks back (actually, the same night as the pasta salad bombing taxi driver incident), we were walking up one of the streets coming off Long Street in town when we ran into a group of about 6 or 7 supposed eighteen year olds getting good and hammered.

I instantly took a liking to these crazy cats because at their age I was doing exactly the same thing – passing 2 litre coke bottles half filled with vodka around, smoking the cigarettes I stole from my mom and getting into as much trouble as humanly possible.

We spent awhile chatting to these kids who were really friendly and wanted to take a whole bunch of pictures with us for Facebook.

“Tag me as SlickTiger,” I said.

“Why?” one of them asked.

“It’s the name I blog under.”

“You blog?!?” one of the kids said, spitting the words out like a mouthful of sick, “I didn’t think people still did that…”

“I’m old school,” was all I could really think to reply, “I mean Christ, I’m nearly thirty kid, as much as it kills me to admit it, there’s an entire generation between you and me.”

 

 

He was kind enough to do the whole “no fucking way you’re that old!” routine, which was flattering but his acting needed work. Also, I happen to be one of those people who looks exactly his age, not one day older or younger.

But it got me thinking – has blogging seen it’s heyday? There seemed to be a time when EVERYONE was doing it, are those sites still going? Are there still new ones popping up all the time?

I feel disconnected ever since work clamped down on my Twitter time and most days I just pilot this junkyard site through the ether completely unaffected by what’s going on out there in the wider world.

 

 

I’ve always said that one day I’ll get my shit together and polish this site up, pump some money into it and sex it up a little, streamline the content, get some advertisers on board and take it to the next level, but what if it’s already at the point where no one really gives a shit either way?

I’ll write this site for as long as I live, it will be a living record of my life that I can look back on and (hopefully) be proud of so I guess it doesn’t really matter if blogging is a fad or not cause I’m here to stay, but I’m interested in hearing what you guys think.

-ST

31
Aug
11

Meet My New Buddy Seasick Steve

By SlickTiger 2 Comments
Categories: Sick Tracks
Tags: , , , , , , ,

12712637It’s just been one of those weeks. Things aren’t going quite according to plan and you find yourself staring out windows at the gathering storm wandering where it all went wrong.

You’re not alone brother. The Tiger’s also been feelin’ a little in the dumps lately but the good news is that this too shall pass, and while we’re fighting the good fight and waiting for that moment to come, I say let’s hang out with my new buddy Seasick Steve.

See, ol’ Seasick knows how bad things can get, before he made it he used to busk in the Paris Metro, only finding fame in his late fifties.

This guy is the real deal, from his frazzled grey soup-catcher to his beaten up John Deere cap and dungarees, he is everything that is badass about old-school blues.

 

 

He has a voice like an old grizzly bear and can change it up from the low, lonely, slit-your-wrists ballad I’m about to play you to foot-stompin, redneck country and western tracks that bring words like “yeee-haw!” and “hootenanny!” to mind.

I just think he’s fucking cool. I’ve got a soft spot for old veterans like my pal Seasick. He attributes his recent success to his cheap and weather-beaten guitar “The Trance Wonder” which he bought off a friend of his in Mississippi who later revealed to Seasick that it was haunted.

 

 

Get his album You Can’t Teach An Old Dog New Tricks if you dig this track. It’s the opener and by far the most gut-wrenching track on the album. The rest are a lot more upbeat and there’s even an entire track dedicated to whisky (So. Bad. Ass).

This one’s called “Treasures”.

 

 

-ST

30
Aug
11

Eastbound And Down – The Series I tried To Hate

By SlickTiger Leave a Comment
Categories: Series Reviews
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

anchormanWill Ferrell might be a comedic genius but there are only a handful of movies he acts in I actually like.

Anchor Man was hilarious and highly original, The Other Guys had me laughing from literally the first scene and even though Stranger Than Fiction had a bit of a shit ending, it was based on a great premise and it was refreshing to watch him in something where he hardly shouted or swore at all.

But you gotta give the man credit where it’s due. His flamboyant, completely unpredictable, loud, crass and bizarre acting style has spawned an entire genre of American slapstick humour which the series Eastbound & Down steals shamelessly from.

The protagonist (Kenny Powers, played by Danny McBride) is an egotistical, washed up ex-baseball player with a killer mullet who is a gigantic asshole to everyone he lays eyes on.

 

 

His unapologetic, borderline-retarded, male chauvinistic world view is so narrow that it encompasses him and no one else. This is made all the more cringe-worthy by the fact that while he used to be a pitching sensation and baseball superstar, at the start of the series he can barely hit the broadside of a barn, a fact that his gigantic ego refuses point-blank to accept.

Bottom line is I was determined not to like this series right from episode one and yet, I’ve just finished watching the series finale for season one and I have to admit, it’s a pretty funny series that threw a few unexpected curveballs (yes. I just did that) in the later episodes.

I also really enjoyed Kenny’s sidekick in the series, Stevie the band teacher at the highschool where Kenny ends up working. I swear to God, the minute they start giving Stevie more scenes this guy steals the show completely.

He’s like the male version of ‘Mel’ from flight of the concords, only more awesome. I almost felt more sympathy for his character than I did for Kenny himself because Stevie is hilariously dorky, awkward and totally unfaltering in his loyalty to Kenny.

 

 

Of course, the reason why the whole project feels like a Ferrell rip-off at first might have to do with the fact that he produced and acts in it, but it still has enough originality to break out of the Ferrell mold and the ending is one of the best cliff-hangers I’ve seen in a good, long while.

Needless to say, I’ll be jumping right into season 2 tomorrow and apparently season 3 is on the cards (that’s going to be the final series from what I’ve read) so hopefully the show can maintain the momentum it picked up over the course of season 1, but I’ll be sure to tell you how it all turns out.

For the time being, just watch season 1 if you haven’t already and tell me what you think, I’m always open to feedback. And group hugs.

C’mere. Mmmmmmmm…

-ST

29
Aug
11

Baby Shrapnel Kicks Off Season 2

By SlickTiger Leave a Comment
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Baby ShrapnelAwhile back you might remember I posted about this internet based animated show called the Baby Shrapnel Variety Show which I gave the highest honour this site can bestow on someone – The Tiger Stamp Of Approval.

It’s was made by two local dudes called Hugh Upsher and Graeme Barnes that I called “basically the crappest show I’ve ever seen” followed by the caveat “but fuck me it’s funny.”

Well, I got an email the other day from Mr Upsher himself telling me that Baby Shrapnel is back for a second season of exploring “the fine art of toilet humour from a uniquely South African perspective.”

I just dig it because it’s unapologetically politically incorrect, original and pretty goddamn hilarious.

How many of us have wanted to embark on similar projects with our buddies? How many great ideas have you had about stuff, whether it’s TV shows or life-changing inventions, that you’ve just let slide because you don’t have the time?

 

 

Well, these guys have made the time and their show is fucking cool. They made 10 episodes for season one, which are up on their site, I’d definitely recommend giving them a watch if you haven’t already before you launch into Season 2.

Season 2 kicks off with a brand new intro sequence, a freshly-drawn host and Graeme Smith being too awesome to handle.

So keep an eye on http://www.babyshrapnel.co.za/ for new episodes of Season 2 as the guys release them, and in the meantime, ease into your Monday with this bad boy.

 

Good times boys and girls.

Good times.

-ST

26
Aug
11

Lose Your Mind Friday

By SlickTiger 2 Comments
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Yucko_the_ClownToday we work hard at losing our minds.

Because life is like a gigantic juggling act that never fucking ends. As you get older you take on more and more responsibility and each new responsibility is like a new ball to juggle.

Sometimes if you listen carefully you can almost hear the crowd chanting “Dance monkey dance!” while the organ grinder does his thing in the corner and the drugs they fed the lions kick in.

Sometimes it’s healthy to lose your mind. Drop all the balls and go nuts like my new Russian friends in the following fucking amazing music video…

 

 

Can you guys handle that?! I’ll give you a minute. Sometimes people just do things that are so fucking cool you have to take a minute to let it all sink in.

“Goalie goalie!”

The dude with the black eye is my favourite.

Have a killer weekend party people! Catch you on the flip flop Winking smile

-ST

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