Author Archive for Slick Tiger



03
Aug
12

Okes Who Like To Klap It #19: 4-Man Kanoe Charnas

1461337646 Flippin’ HELL, lemme tell you something about our Sefrican Olympics ous, they are KLAPPING IT on a whole other flippin LEVEL this year hey?!

Not since Rhino flippin moered that oke in THE GAUNTLET in season two episode five of MTN Gladiators have a sporting event ever been so flippin’ BUFF!

And then came yesterday’s 4-man kanoe Olympic challenge and all the ous in the gym were like, turn off the music, put up the TV sound and I was like are you flipppin’ stupid?! How I am supposed to stay PUMPED and KLAP my 90 kilo DUMBELL PRESS without that schweet KATY PERRY remix?!?!

But lemme tell you, it only got worser from there. After I gooied my weights in STEROID RAGE, I walked over to the TV to tear it off the flippin wall and break it on a oke’s HEAD and saw the flippin’ DUMBEST KAK IVE EVER SAW!

There was a whole buncha ous in these flippin’ gay yellow 4-man kanoes facing the WRONG FLIPPIN WAY and trying to row them with only ONE FLIPPIN’ PADDLE EACH!

 

 

Okes, I nearly kakked myself laughing. What a bunch of CHOPHEADS.

So anyways, I definitely decided to watch the 4-man backwards kanoe challenge cause when the okes bashed into each other we could all have a lag and go back to the important job of KLAPPING GYM, BOET.

But jassis. They started the challenge and the ous started klapping it faster than Spider up THE WALL in Gladiators season three episode one.

And okes, lemme tell you, straighter 4-man kanoe racing you WILL NEVER SEE. Not even the moffies in their yellow kanoes bashed into the other okes they were like flippin robots how perfectly in time they road!

Then I checked this one oke at the front, I mean the back, I mean the front of the back of the kanoe with the flippin’ BUFFEST TAN of any oke in that race and I knew that 4-man kanoe team were gonna take the gold.

 

 

“That 4-man kanoe team are gonna take the gold,” I chooned the other ous in the gym, straight and this doos was like, ja that would be kief cause they Sefricans, but oke it’s the last 500m and they coming forth.

Well, lemme tell you, that oke’s face wasn’t very good at stopping a 15 kilo DUMBELL PUNCH so ja… he’s in hospital now.

Flippin DOOS deserved it because I was right! That ou with the BUFF TAN and his kanoe buddies KLAPPED THE SHIT outta the other ous in their moffie-yellow kanoes!

The ous in the gym went mad! I never saw Sefricans so proud! I mean flip, even I got so excited I let out a protein baff that put ANOTHER OU in hospital!

 

 

At this rate Sefrica is gonna be the best at the Olympics it’s been in 100 years some oke told me, which I obviously knew was kak because MTN Gladiators only stopped in 2001 which was when they invented Olympics instead, maybe the ou meant 10 years but said it with two 0s by misteak.

I do that sometimes.

Anyway, Sefricans keep KLAPPING IT ma boychays and belters! We’ve all of us never been prouder.

-ST

01
Aug
12

We Apologise For The Inconvenience

shit shovel If you follow me on Twitter you’ll know that because I just started a new job, I’m without a laptop to blog from at the moment.

Well, unless you count J-Rab’s five year-old Compaq that I’m banging this out on, but it’s a total pain in the ass so until I get my new laptop, posting is gonna be patchy.

It’s ironic because at the moment I’m killing it in terms of hits, but as bitter experience has taught me, unless you pump content out when your numbers spike, they level out again fast, so here’s a video of a guy losing his shit all over the place to keep you crazy basterds entertained.

 

 

Later party people 😉

-ST

31
Jul
12

Feel-Good Vibes From Nando’s and Cheesekids

600020_10150940754180633_2113325908_aIt’s a crazy day for your Tiger pal folks because it’s my last day at my current job. It’s been two and a half years, amazing how quickly it goes by.

Blink just once and you’ve missed the entire thing. On the other hand, change is good, you gotta embrace that shit because it’s the only constant in this crazy life and without it we’d all be bored stiff.

Speaking of change, I just watched the latest Nando’s and Cheesekids Souperstar video that did the rounds on Friday and it made me feel better in a small way about life in general, so thank you Nando’s, your Tiger pal salutes you.

Since Nando’s put out the first Cheesekids teaser video (at around the time of Nando’s controversial anti-Xenophobia ad), over 800 people have signed up to volunteer at four pop-up soup kitchens around the country – all in areas that have been affected by Xenophobia.

From Alexandra to Langa, Lindela Repatriation Centre to Limpopo, these Souperstars have made a difference by simply volunteering their time and energy to help feed the homeless.

Check it:

 

 

My dad started going to church unexpectedly back when I was in highschool, which was a bit of a curveball at the time because I’d never thought of him as a particularly religious man.

He didn’t make a big thing of it and still doesn’t to this day, but all these churchy pamphlets and handouts started collecting on the counter in the entrance hall where he’d “file” them every Sunday.

I didn’t pay much attention to them, they were pretty stock-standard images of Christ getting nailed (the bad way) and suffering for our sins, coupled with lines cleverly designed to make you feel righteous and vaguely guilty at the same time.

But this one caught my eye on day, this story about two friends walking on the beach after spring tide with all these washed up starfish everywhere, thousands of them.

 

 

The one friend, much to the irritation of his buddy, kept interrupting the flow of conversation by picking the starfish up and throwing them back into the sea.

Eventually his buddy cracked, saying, “Would you stop that? There are thousands of starfish on this beach, it’s not like you’re making a difference.”

To which the friend replied by picking up another starfish, throwing it into the sea and saying, “I made a difference to that one.”

-ST

30
Jul
12

Okes Who Like To Klap It #17: Cameron Van Der Burgh

Cameron-van-der-Burgh-08Charnas, ask any flippin oke with half a brain and he’ll tell you straight that when it comes to the most prestigious athletic event in the world, nothing, and I mean NOTHING can beat MTN GLADIATORS!

Lemme tell you, those flippin okes trains sometimes up to five times A WEEK and is capable of taking huge levels of STEROIDS that would kill a normal ou in three seconds.

But of course, as history tells us, back in 1998 the DOOSES in TV land decided to cancel MTN GLADIATORS the first time and charnas were like "What the flip are we gonna watch now?!" And so the TV land dooses invented the Olympics, which are ok, but KAK in comparison to MTN GLADIATORS.

So anyway, I was trying to find the weightlifting ous yesterday when the next thing I knowed there was all these flippin skinny okes in SPEEDOS splashing around like a buncha moffies in the pool and I was like "What the KAK is this?! Not one of these ous knows how to KLAP IT!"

 

 

The reason of course was because none of the ous were SEFRICANS. When eventually a Sefrican ou stood up on his box to jump in the water, I took one look at the pecs on that charna and was like, "Jis-LAAIK! THAT boychay is the buffest IN THE LAND!"

I mean, he was no GRANITE, or WILDEBEEST or even SAHARA (BELTER!), but ja. He was ok. He looked like a nice ou, the kind I wouldn’t mind klapping a few brandy-cokes with and then hugging later.

But anyway, after that I watched this BUFF CHARNA tear through the water like a flippin WATER MISSILE, destroying the other ous in a embarrassing display of flippin’ UNSTOPABLE POWER!

This charna (who has the name of CAMERON VAN DER BURGH) was klapping it so fast that he even swimmed past the YELLOW RECORD LINE, which means he not only came first, but also breaked the flippin’ Olympic record AT THE SAME TIME!

 

 

A ou like that, lemme tell you, is right now as I right this, belting AT LEAST THREE blonde Olympic belters AT THE SAME TIME in the secret Olympic SEX CAMP they have to breed super athletes so that they can bring back MTN GLADIATORS!

Cameron, charna, thank you for klapping that race yesterday boet, you made us proud SEFRICANS that not only can a fellow SEFRICAN KLAP IT ON THAT LEVEL, but also that soon there will be a new breed of athletes that will make the X-MEN look like a buncha hipster moffies who never lifted a weight in their life.

And Cameron, one last thing, if you could please belt a chick who can run very fast that would be schweet. Then that kid will be able to run very fast UNDERWATER, which will be a essential skill in the new version of MTN GLADIATORS I’m thinking of…

Anyway, Cameron you legend, all there is left to say is YOU KLAPPED IT BOET!

Well flippin done!

-ST

27
Jul
12

Friday Playlist: Bands That Are Better Than Linkin Park

2unlimitedFollowing the Linkin Park comments section shitstorm that happened on TFW yesterday, I decided that maybe the approach I’d taken with regards to my post was wrong.

I’m sorry for the hurt that post may have caused LP fans. It was unfair of me to tear the band a new one without substantiating my argument in any way.

So in order to enlighten my readers and back my argument up with irrefutable fact, I’ve decided to put together a playlist of bands that I think are better than Linkin Park to encourage some healthy debate. And before you can ask it let me just say yes, Chumbawamba did indeed make it onto that list.

So sit back, relax, put some headphones on and really soak this list up and if at the end of that you can honestly tell me that Linkin Park is better than any of these bands then hey, maybe I was wrong (unlikely).

It’s not going to be easy for ol’ LP to top these bands though, I’ve really brought my A-game today. What am I talking about? Well how about EIFEL 65 for starters?! Followed by motherflippin 12 INCHES OF SNOW!

Licky boom-boom down bitches.

 

Bands That Are Better Than Linkin Park from SlickTiger on 8tracks.

 

Hit my 8tracks site if you’d like full media player functionality in case you want to hear some songs more than once because yeah, with MICHAEL BOLTON on the list, who wouldn’t?!

Happy Friday Party People, have a killer weekend Winking smile

-ST

26
Jul
12

SlickTiger’s Kitteh Pals Nearly 3 Weeks Old

Cyootface1I feel no shame about the post I’m about to write because as much as I might come across as an insensitive Neanderthal, I’m actually a big softie at heart.

All this post contains are pictures of very cute kittens that, come next week Monday, will be exactly 3 weeks old.

The backstory here is J-Rab works at a vet where they brought in a very pregnant and strikingly beautiful stray cat that couldn’t have been more than 8 months old. J-Rab decided we’d give the cat a home to have it’s kittens and now we have 6 little furballs that are literally getting cuter by the day.

Fair warning to any broody girls out there: these pics are on a whole other level of cuteness.

Enjoy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In case you were wondering, yes we have found homes for all the kittens. We’re doing the responsible thing and making everyone pay R450 for a kitten.

This covers their shots and the cost of getting them spayed when they’re old enough.

And no. I am not breeding these kittens for the sole purpose of fattening them up to eat them, although when they were younger, the thought of a kitteh-kebab was tempting…

-ST

25
Jul
12

Life Of Pi Official Trailer

LifeOfPiI posted a few weeks back that I had mixed feelings about Life Of Pi being turned into a movie because the book was so powerful and I was afraid Hollywood would ruin it.

Well, following hot on the heels of that post, here’s the official trailer for Life Of Pi, which is due for release this December.

Hard to tell from the trailer whether they’ve butchered this classic or not. Ang Lee is directing it so one thing’s for sure, you can bet your ass it’s going to be stunning visually, but until I’ve seen the finished product I’m remaining cautiously optimistic that they’re gonna pull this one off.

 

 

Big up to Civilian for being a total badass and sending this my way.

-ST

25
Jul
12

Movie Review: The Dark Knight Rises

the-dark-knight-rises-new-featuretteJ-Rab and I hit up the Dark Knight Rises premier last night courtesy of Nokia, who used the opportunity to officially launch the Lumia 900, and wow, what a brilliant movie.

Because I realise most of you haven’t seen it yet, I’m going to try and keep this as vague as possible in terms of the actual plot.

Co-writer and director Christopher Nolan is nothing if not a master of genius plot twists and the last thing I want to do is give his art away so don’t worry, this review is spoiler-alert free.

For starters, and I think this goes without saying, don’t go into The Dark Knight Rises expecting a movie that is anything like its predecessor.

Co-writer / director Christopher Nolan has wisely chosen a totally new direction for DKR that explores a fresh side of the Batman legend and makes it impossible to say DKR is better or worse than The Dark Knight.

 

 

DKR takes place eight years after The Dark Knight during which time Commissioner Gordon (Gary Oldman) has successfully managed to clean up Gotham’s streets by passing an act in commemoration of Harvey Dent that puts an end to organised crime in the city.

Eccentric billionaire Bruce Wayne has all but disappeared off the face of the earth, as has the Batman who, having taken the fall for Harvey Dent’s murder, is widely regarded by Gotham as a monster that the city is better off without.

Enter ruthless mercenary Bane (Tom Hardy), who amasses an army of equally ruthless and unquestioningly loyal soldiers and followers in the sewers of Gotham City.

With the help of Selina Kyle, aka Catwoman (Anne Hathaway), Bane begins systematically dismantling the structures of power that run Gotham City and the ensuing chaos makes The Joker’s efforts to destabilise Gotham look like a child’s attempt to sculpt Michelangelo’s David with edible play dough.

 

 

Much like Batman Begins, Christian Bale is in the driving seat once again this time around because where the late Heath Ledger’s Joker was psychotic, unstable and loveable, Bane is methodical, stone-faced and detestable, so there’s no one to steal Bale’s thunder.

His portrayal of Batman is like nothing seen in the previous films and he brings a vulnerability to the character that emphasises the fact that under the suit is just a man, like any other, and that all that sets him apart from the rest of us is his unfailing belief in an ideal for which he is willing to fight to the death for.

Nolan is, as always, masterful in his careful construction of his plot and characters. It’s like watching someone set up an entire football stadium of dominos, each one perfectly placed so that at the right time, all he has to do is nudge one of them ever so slightly and the entire lot come crashing down in a breath-taking moment of utter chaos.

 

 

The Dark Knight Rises is the most fitting conclusion to Nolan’s Batman trilogy that any fan or casual movie-goer could ask for.

There is hardly one character, whether it’s Hathaway’s silky Catwoman, Michael Cain’s endearing, scene-stealing Alfred or Joseph Gordan-Levitt’s unflinchingly courageous patrol officer John Blake, that doesn’t light up the screen with every line of carefully weighed and scripted dialogue.

Sure, the characters might not land the one-liners with the panache of a film like the Avengers, but this is not a happy-go-lucky Marvel outing. This is DC, it’s dark, it’s broody and from the first scene right through to the end it had my heart pounding like a Slipknot drum solo in my chest.

Chances are you were going to see this movie whether I wrote this review or not, so I realise that writing this review is almost superfluous, but The Dark Knight Rises is deserving of the best praise a critic can give and I feel it’s my duty to add my voice to that already deafening chorous.

Watch this film. You won’t be disappointed.

Final Verdict: 9/10

-ST

24
Jul
12

Linkin Park Limps Toward SA

LinkinParkPA190911Twitter was abuzz yesterday when news broke about Nu Metal band Linkin Park touring SA later this year, much to the delight of basically no one.

“As a band, we’ve reached a point in our career where we have all come to the realisation that our creative energy is nowhere near where it used to be,” said Linkin Park frontman, Screamy-Guy. 

“Add the fact that our fan base is waning steadily, and that leaves us with only one option left really – go on tour to South Africa.”

Linkin Park exploded onto the Nu Metal scene with Hybrid Theory back when bands like Limp Bizkit and Crazy Town were popular which aptly sums up their musical prowess.

Since their debut back in 2001, the band has released a staggering four albums all of which, with the possible exception of the Hybrid Theory carbon-copy Meteora, have been lauded by fans and critics alike as being “kind of okay”.

 

 

“I dug that one song they did, I think it was a couple of years ago, you know the one where he’s singing about torture and pain and suffering and bleeding and shit,” said avid 5FM listener and musical ignoramus Gerrit du Toit, “ja… that on was flippin kief…”

The band will be in SA under the guise of promoting their new album Living Things which is currently enjoying a Metacritic rating of 58/100.

“Living Things is definitely our most experimental record to date,” said Screamy-Guy, “in that it signals a marked departure from the band trying to copy Nine Inch Nails to trying to copy Skrillex, who we’ve heard is way cool.

 

 

“After the response the album got after it launched, we consulted our good friends Collective Soul, Evanescence and Staind all of whom said it was definitely time to head to South Africa because yeah… South Africa is so starved for bands, it’s probably the only place in the world that we can still sell out a stadium.”

Linkin Park are set to wow people in their early thirties (who are still stuck in 2001 and get excited when “Mr Jones” plays at the pub) with concerts in both Johannesburg and Cape Town in early November.

-ST

23
Jul
12

The Tiger Hits Up The Man U / Ajax Game, Gets Deliriously Happy for 4 Minutes

Man U Lead PicIf there’s one thing I can never get enough of, it’s articles written by PRs and people in marketing about “How To Approach Bloggers”.

Why anyone would waste their time writing Captain Obvious advice like that is beyond me. Just pick up a phone, call us, have a chat and send us cool free stuff.

My man Arthur from Oude Meester followed that advice to the letter last week Friday when he called me up, asked me if I wanted two tickets to the Oude Meester box for the Man U / Ajax game on Saturday, met me at the Engen on Orange in a black beemer and hooked a brother up.

Fast forward to Saturday afternnoon and J-Rab and I were squeezing our way through the crowds at Cape Town Stadium 5 minutes before kick-off, desperately trying to get to the Oude Meester box in time for the first whistle.

 

 

We managed to fight our way through the crowds and get to the Oude Meester box literally one minute after kick-off.

Had the game not just started I would definitely have done the typical blogger thing and taken pictures of the free food and brandy cocktails, but the atmosphere in the stadium was electric and we wanted in on the action yo.

 

 

I’m not much of a soccer fan, I get into it when the World Cup rolls around and sometimes I find myself watching a game or two in the pub. Like like most sports though, watching it live is always awesome and Saturday’s game was no exception.

Ajax played with a lot of heart and come half time both teams were tied at 0-0.

Watching our boys play I was struck by two things; the first was how much better they handled Man U than AmaZulu did (I was lucky enough to watch that game live in Durbs last week) and the second was how very small they looked.

 

 

After half-time the game started to get a little stale and the atmosphere in the stadium died down considerably as most of us resigned ourselves to a 0-0 draw.

Then shit got real. Alcardo Van Graan charged onto the field and a minute later back-heel flicked the ball into Manchester United’s net and every Saffer in the stadium, whether they were Manchester supporters or not, lost their damn minds.

 

 

It looked like Ajax were going to take it. They were 86 minutes into the game, all they had to do was keep their defence water-tight and stick to the Man U players like a bad rash.

But sadly, that didn’t happen. Man U came down the right flank like a goddamned steamroller and Bebe fired home with military precision, levelling the score at 1-1.

 

 

We were robbed I tell ya. Straight up. And the thing that pissed me off the most was how quickly Man U equalised.

I’d bet good money they huddled after Ajax scored and were like, “Ok. On three, unleash Hell.”

Then again, like I said I’m not the world’s most avid soccer fan so what do I know. Maybe Man U were giving it their all throughout, who’s to say?

It was an exciting game any way you look at it and J-Rab and I had a killer time, staying in the Oude Meester box long after the game was done because we were cabbing it home and were in the mood for a cheeky brandy cocktail or two.

This is the last thing I remember. Running up and down the stadium stairs while J-Rab took pics because, um, yeah. I seemed like a good idea at the time.

 

 

Good times I tell ya, good times Winking smile

-ST