Archive for the 'Uncategorized' Category



24
Jan
10

This post could have been about any number of things

This post has been written and rewritten more times than you’ll ever know. This post could have been about any number of things, at first it was about my dreams when I was a teenager, here’s an excerpt from that post:

I dreamed I was a rockstar for a few years. It was a good dream when I think back on it, a dream you have when you’re just out of school and you think you know how bad it gets, but you don’t know how bad it gets, you’re just a kid, invincible and naive.

I lived that dream once or twice, maybe more times than that, on creaky wooden stages around Grahamstown. I got up there, sometimes by myself, sometimes with some friends, and I played the stuff I wrote and told myself that somewhere out there someone would hear it and it would have great significance to that person and it would echo in his head, or her head, even in their dreams.

Then it was about what I would do if I was in charge of this world, here’s how that one was shaping up:

I’d make the oceans rise and I’d crack the continents apart and I’d bring fire raining down from the sky. I’d send swarms of every poisonous creature into Wallstreet and I’d sink corporate skyscrapers into the lava pits. I’d flood silicone valley with sewerage and I’d laugh while the internet fizzled out and the information super highways disintegrated and crumbled down to dust.

Then it was about Love, the kind spelled with a capital ‘L’ and how it’s the only thing that will save us, but it came out really lame, so I’m not going to paste an excerpt from that one.

I went down all those roads, but they became tangled and convoluted and contrived. Those roads left me feeling lonely and alone and that, coupled with the miserable grey weather we’re having and the fact that J-Rab was at work, all added up to this empty feeling and I started staring at nothing and sighing from somewhere deep down.

It was right about then that I heard this thud-squeak and turned to see Random Cat staring up at me with her wide green eyes. She jumped up on my chest and nuzzled her face against mine, like she could somehow feel what I was feeling and wanted to make it better.

It’s funny the way life works, the way something as simple as a Random Cat can make everything better sometimes.

This post could have been about any number of things, but I want it to be about Random Cats – may they find you when you’re down and, arriving with a thud-squeak, make you smile when your days are grey.

 

 

-ST

23
Jan
10

Where is the sun?

Is it just me, or did Joburg not used to be an altogether sunnier fucking place than it has been over the last few years?

I don’t remember summers being like this when I was a kid. I remember sweltering hot days and brief afternoon cloud bursts that started at 4 and were done by 5, leaving clear skies in their wake and that fresh feeling that comes after summer rain.

For the last two weeks all it’s done here is rain and I’ve had just about enough of it. I mean, for fucks sake, PLEASE can we have some sunshine? I think I’m getting some kind of seasonal cabin fever here, another week of this grey, rainy shit and I’ll be smashing through the doors with an axe screaming ‘Here’s Johnny!’.

 

 

Would you like to know what I did today? Ok… are you sure? Jeeze, how bored are you? It’s Saturday, you shouldn’t even be here – go outside and throw a frisbee or something. Oh wait, I forgot it’s PISSING DOWN WITH FUCKING RAIN OUTSIDE.

Bleaugh.

I got up early and dragged my sleepy ass to the gym to sweat some blood for awhile, then I came back home did domestic stuffs like washing dishes and shit like that, shopped for some groceries with J-Rab, made lunch, had a 15 person orgy with a pile of pure Colombian cocaine and Russian strippers (oh good, you’re still awake. Just checking) and then had an afternoon nap.

It’s been chilled.

What you been up to?

-ST

19
Jan
10

Impending Sense Of Doom

I’m 26 years old, 26 years and 2 months, give or take, and I think I’m going through some kind of quarter life crisis that is manifesting itself in this Impending Sense Of Doom that feels like it’s bearing down on me incessantly.

I want you to understand that I am not a person who is prone to panic in any way, shape, size or form. Panic, to me, seems like a lot of unnecessary hard work and I’m not into that at all. Hard work, sure, I’m not scared of hard work, but unnecessary hard work? Life’s too short for crap like that.

Panic and worry – what a load. Also it’s pretty much a universal truth that most of the things we worry about never happen. Sure people will argue that they never happen because we worry about them, but I’ll tell those people to fuck right off and keep on not worrying about stuff while they get horrible anxiety-related illnesses and suffer from unrelenting runny poo.

But it’s weird, I don’t know what’s happening to me lately. Round about last week Wednesday I started to get really down, which is also something that doesn’t happen to me often, but I sucked it up, told myself to stop being such a fag and did what I usually do when I’m down – elected to go on a three day drinking binge.

 

 

Hahah, I kid.

I hit the gym nice and hard, exercised the demon, went home, ate a big steak, had great sex, passed the fuck out and slept like a baby.

Thing is, the next day it was back. I don’t remember at what point I started feeling it again, but I wasn’t just down this time, this time something else was lurking in my head too, this mild sense of… I don’t know how to describe it, fuck it kills me to write this, but yeah, I think it was panic.

God, why am I writing this? Nobody wants to read this shit, I’m sorry this is fucking retarded.

Forget I ever said anything. Here’s a picture of a monkey riding a bicycle:

 

 

-ST

17
Jan
10

Leftover SUnday

Sometimes I feel like I don’t do enough on weekends, do you ever get that feeling? You arrive at work on Monday and your colleagues ask the usual ‘How was your weekend?’ question and the best you can come  up with is, ‘Yeah, good thanks, and yours?’

‘Good thanks.’

‘Cool… umm…’

‘You do anything cool?’

‘Yeah, we saw a cool movie and you?’

‘Oh, we had a braai, nothing too hectic, chilled y’know?’

‘Cool…’

‘Yeah…’

‘Um, you want some coff-’

‘STICK IT TO MY VEINS!’

All we really did today was buy washing powder, try and change the earrings I got J-Rab for Christams (they broke), made hamburgers for lunch and had an afternoon nap, which got rudely interrupted by the most badass rain storm you’ve ever seen.

 

 

Thunder, lightning, hail and buckets and buckets of rain.

Now it’s time to call it a night. J-Rab and I just got a whole bunch of new media from Graumpot, including seasons 1, 2 and 3 of Dexter, which I haven’t seen, but which everyone tells me I’ll really love.

So here’s a pic of Graum’s car, I call it the Terminator Car, here’s why:

 

 

Later homies 🙂

-ST

16
Jan
10

The Saturday Post: 16th Jan

I tell ya, this rain is starting to get pretty fucking ridiculous if you ask me. Somebody remind me where we live again? Cause it feels like a rainforest, no shit.

So far today’s been pretty chilled, we straightened the flat out, had lunch with the folks, did some grocery shopping and later are going to eat sushi and then watch Where The Wild Things Are, which I’m really, really excited to see.

So much so that I’ve spent the last two hours in Hyde Park shops, with my head in this poster:

 

 

Good times I tell ya! Good times 🙂

-ST

15
Jan
10

White Nipples (NSFW)

So there’s this rumour going around, not sure if you guys might have heard it, but they tell me that it’s motherfuckingfridayfuckyeah!

If you’ve been reading and following this blog over the past few days, chances are you’re getting a little tired of my long and rambling tirades, so instead of getting on my high horse and writing a post that has intellectual and social relevance, today I decided to just say ‘screw it’ and post a pic Stikey sent me of a girl with white nipples.

Clever photoshopping or a rare genetic mutation, you decide.

 

 

Have a killer weekend guys, be safe and if you find any white nipples this weekend, be sure to send the pics my way 😉

-ST

10
Jan
10

There is no post today

There is no post today. Don’t come here all expectant, looking for something significant, something that will make you laugh, something that one day you can tell your kids about, because you won’t find it.

The post that was supposed to be here up and left, no goodbye note, no forwarding address, no explanation. It was here the one minute, and the next, it was smoke.

There are other posts out there, millions upon millions, written by other people, fine people and people you can admire and say ‘I’m proud of him. He did everything I wished he would do, he grew up into a great person and made all the right choices in his life and I couldn’t be happier with the direction his life has taken. What a great guy. What a winner. His haircut is the best. He dresses well. He says everything perfectly at the right time, always. He will look after us… he will look after us…’

Don’t come here for that guy. The guy here isn’t that guy. The guy here is bent and a million different kinds of fucked up and if you don’t believe me, just ask people for chrissake, they’ll tell you. They’ll tell you straight up to weave a circle round him thrice and close your eyes with holy dread, with holy dread, for he on honeydew hath fed.

And drank the milk of paradise.

There is no post today, be glad of that, because if there was one it wouldn’t be friendly and curl up in your lap and keep you warm while it dozed contentedly, no.

It would bite you if there was a post here, with dirty teeth, and you wouldn’t leave feeling happy, you would leave feeling hurt.

 

 

There is no post today, but the authorities are on their way to kill whatever has taken it’s place, the rough beast that slouches, growling, slavering here in the dark.

For your sake, and mine, let’s hope they bring the big guns and don’t stop until whatever is here is sprayed in wet, red chunks all over the walls.

Here’s hopin’.

-ST

09
Jan
10

The Saturday Post: 9 Jan ‘10

I’m gonna keep this one short and sweet guys, there’s a whole bunch of stuff we need to get sorted today and I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but I’d rather spend the rest of today with my lady than bashing out another epic post.

All the posts this week have actually been pretty epic. Life just seems really full at the moment, I don’t know if you’re feeling it to, but there’s a buzz in the air this year that I swear is so tangible it feels like my skin is sparking with electricity.

 

 

Of course, that could also be because I’m tearing through the gym these days like a loose propeller. We’re only 9 days into the year and I’ve already clocked 4 sessions. Admittedly, for the first two I was embarrassingly sweaty and red-faced, but once those were out the way, session 3 and 4 already felt better.

I’m lucky to come from a lean gene pool – there is no history of obesity in either my mom or my dad’s side of the family, and as such, I have the metabolism of a race horse. Of course, given another 4 or 5 years I’m sure this will change, but that doesn’t bother me.

Gym is really funny though. I watch other guys in the gym who go wearing their designer Body In Motion gear with all the latest gym accessories money can buy, run for a bit on the treadmill, do a few sets on the machines and go home without breaking a sweat, and I think to myself, Why bother?

I go in loose fitting faded shirts, brown shorts and old Nike shoes, I do cardio until my heart feels like it’s going to explode, catch my breath, and then hit the machines and free weights, working steadily toward that killer burn you start to feel in your muscles that sends endorphins flooding like a capsized oil tanker into your blood.

 

 

And then I go back and do it all over again. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again, I’m a sucker for punishment.

My goal is 4 sessions a week, every week of this year. If I maintain that and try keep the binge drinking to a minimum, by December I’ll be a fucking MACHINE.

And yes, THEM’S fightin’ words 😉

-ST

03
Jan
10

Site Overhaul 50% complete

Check out the amazingness of this guys – the site overhaul is 50% complete! On the right you’ll see a number of new things have been added, namely a ‘SEARCH’ bar, where you can search Them’s Fightin’ Words for your favourite posts to show to your friends and loved ones (and be the envy of them all).

OR you can just type a random phrase in to read my opinion of that particular topic, like ‘The Cuban Missile Crisis’ for example (um, yeah, don’t type that, it was just an example).

 

 

But that’s not all! There’s also now a new section called ‘TOP 10 POSTS’ also on the right where you can check out all the site’s most badass posts according to how many times they’ve been viewed.

You’ll find some classics in there, like the controversial ‘Death By Ayoba’ post and my killer album reviews.

I mean seriously, how fucking rad is that?! This site is MUCH better now!

I wanted to add other stuff too, like a ‘Tweet This’ button after my posts but I couldn’t figure out how to get it working after I downloaded it 😛

I’m no techno-genius. I’m more of a Snake Plissken kinda dude. Ever see that movie Escape From LA? At the end of that, Snake (played by Kurt Russell) detonates this massive electro-magnetic pulse that fries every piece of electrical equipment on the face of earth and basically plunges us all back into the dark ages.

 

 

That would be rad. People would run riot in the streets. There’d be no choice but to arm yourself to the teeth, band together with whatever friends and family you could find and fight tooth and nail to survive.

Actually wait, maybe that would be crap…

I wanted to add a whole bunch of other pages to the site too, not just the ‘About’ page, but I need to think carefully about how I want the site navigation to work before I go there and possibly buy and customise my own theme for the site.

Any web developers out there with some spare time on their hands? I’ll take it off your hands for you, no worries, but please note I charge an hourly fee for such services. I’m open to negotiation though 😉

Otherwise we spent most of today making sushi in an effort to not to get too depressed about going back to work tomorrow. I tried my hand at making rainbow rolls and wow! They were TERRIBLE! J-Rab’s were way, way better, partly because she’s more meticulous with her sushi than I am, but also because she actually remembered to roll both the salmon AND the avo on the outside, instead of just the avo.

 

 

Duuhhh Slick.

But now the sushi-making is over and the pre-work depression has hit home hard. I love my job and the people I work with, but man-o-man, I don’t wanna go back to work, I just wanna stay here and hang out with you guys.

The whole day’s been grey and rainy and sad songs keep playing on J-Rab’s iPod which isn’t helping.

Tomorrow we join the traffic. Tomorrow our inboxes govern our lives once again. Tomorrow we lift the yoke of modern life again and we beat on, boats against the current…

The good news though is that Random Cat came back to our flat today. Good ol’ Random Cat hasn’t come for a visit for at least a month, but is now comfortably resting on the big couch with that lazy cat look in her eyes that tells me she’s probably going to sleep soon.

 

 

If you live a great life, you come back as a domestic cat that gets fed and pampered and has a big garden to explore and play in with your other kitteh-pals.

If you live a shitty life, you come back as a caged tiger and you dream of jungles and hunting all day, but are kept in a tiny enclosure and fed horse meat while kids throw pinecones at you endlessly.

Well, not this tiger. They had no idea what they were dealing with when they built the walls around me and by my guess, they’re more than a couple of feet short.

On three guys.

One…

Two…

😉

-ST

02
Jan
10

Site Overhaul Initiating… beep… fail

Today looked different in my head.

It started with me waking up before 9.30, making a killer breakfast with bacon and eggs and sausages and fried tomatoes and mushrooms cooked slowly in butter, freshly squeezed cold orange juice, toast from homemade bread, more jam than you could shake a stick at.

 

 

Can you taste that? Fahk.

After that I was going to take J-Rab somewhere away from here, away from all the cement and asphalt. We were going to drive, far out there and find a place where the two of us could be alone, there would be a river there we could drink out of, we’d spread a blanket out under some trees, pop a bottle of champagne, drink it out of crystal flutes and eat expensive sandwiches, the ones from Woolies.

We’d look up at the sky through the leaves and see big ‘ol lazy birds circling overhead, riding thermals for kicks.

 

 

We’d drive back home just before sunset, the warm feeling of the sun still on our skin, and we’d be happy, our heads fuzzy from the champagne, and we would want nothing, nothing else from this life except for everything we had already.

It would be raining as we fell asleep.

Instead we got up sometime after 10 and tidied the flat until 2. We went to Sandton City, I exchanged a shirt J-Rab got me for a better one and we came back home.

And all the while, these dreams kept coming back to me from last night. In one I was preparing for war, and when it broke I was unstoppable. They sent me in there armed with a giant machete, and I hacked the shit out of anything in my path. Problem was, it was my own ranks I was hacking my way through.

Bummer.

 

 

In another dream I dreamed this girl I know appeared in Playboy magazine and had a horizontal instead of vertical vagina. As in, not up and down but left to right. Freud would love me.

Then my brother called from Australia where he’s just moved and we talked for about an hour. It was good to make contact again, I think it’s been about 6 months or more since we spoke last. He’s a good man, my brother and he’s living a good life over in Oz. I really hope I can visit him sometime soon.

My day got better from that point and the evening has been pretty damn awesome. J-Rab cooked us up an amazing stir-fry and I rented the new Star Trek movie to watch, which I really, really enjoyed and I would encourage everyone to watch, doesn’t matter if you’re a sci-fi freak or not, it’s a great action movie and the script is rock solid.

 

 

Now I’m watching Alexander on E-TV and thinking man-o-man Rosario Dawson has a great rack, it’s pretty much the best thing about the entire movie. Something about Colin Farrell makes me want to punch him in the face when I see him in some movies, same is true for Jared Leto (yet another reason why I fucking love Fight Club. What Edward Norton does to Leto’s face in that movie? Yeah, I’ve wanted to do that for years).

But anyway, the overhaul of this site never happened. I’m sorry. I know you’re heartbroken. Please, let me make it up to you with this great pic of Rosario Dawson I just found…

 

 

All good? Great 🙂

I will say one thing about today though, it may not have started like I wanted it to, but it’s raining slow and heavy outside, so at least it’s going to end the way I hoped it would.

Ain’t that wonder 😉

-ST