Author Archive for Slick Tiger



13
Jan
12

Mini Cape Video – Too Awesome

Mini CapeJust got sent this amazing video that Timmy Henny did called “Mini Cape” that you guys HAVE to watch if you haven’t already.

I’d love to know how the guys put this together. It has this crazy, surreal quality to it because from what I can tell it’s made up of actual bird’s eye-view shots of CT and shots of an extremely intricate model someone’s built.

I’d love to know how this was all put together. Inspirational stuff for SA film makers – great work guys! If any of the people who worked on this find this post, hit me on tellthetiger@gmail.com.

 

 

Have a killer weekend party people Winking smile

-ST

12
Jan
12

Summerland

500767899_323b1db527When I was in highschool, I used to track down all these songs that I’d listen to on rainy days and as a typical troubled adolescent, I had a lot of those.

From time to time, when that same crippling feeling of sadness and loss gets the better of me, I go back to those songs, seeking comfort.

Isn’t it amazing that music can do that? Doesn’t that blow your mind, because it blows mine.

The thought that the right collection of chords and notes and sounds played at the right time, in the right pattern can somehow make you feel less alone.

Everclear’s “Summerland” is one of those songs. Over time, it’s come to mean a lot to me, especially today when, standing in the ruins of what once was, this one simple line is cutting me up:

 

I think I lost my smile

I think you lost yours too

We have lost the power to make each other laugh…

 

I thought I could fix things, but I just made them a million times worse. I always thought you could fix anything, but I see now that I was wrong.

My kingdom for a rewind button.

-ST

11
Jan
12

Willow Smith More Irritating Than Rebecca Black? Experts Say “Damn Straight!”

physician-scientist1International experts at the Stuttgart-based University Of Extremely Irritating Things (UEIT) have published a report recently to find out who the most irritating pop star is and, as predicted by every rational human on the planet, Willow Smith came out tops.

“We didn’t think it would ever be possible for an artist to be more irritating than Rebecca Black,” said Hein Schwarsvenberg, head of research at UEIT, “but data we’ve collected over the past few months would suggest otherwise.”

According to the UEIT report, 11 year old Willow Smith has not only topped Rebecca’s status as ‘most irritating pop star alive’, but is currently in the running for the top spot as ‘most irritating person in human history’”.

“Extensive tests were conducted on random groups of volunteers who were exposed to Willow Smith’s music at extremely high volume on repeat, and after one day all 356 780 test subjects had bashed their heads repeatedly against the walls of the laboratory so hard that only seven of them are still alive,” says Schwarsvenberg.

 

 

Willow Smith, who instantly rocketed to fame simply by being born, started her illustrious career in irritating people in June 2010 when she released her first single “I Whip My Hair”.

Shortly after the single’s release, reports started emerging of people driving their cars off cliffs, gauging their eyes out and throwing themselves off buildings after having the song stuck in their heads for so long, they simply lost their minds.

 

 

“With Rebecca it was never this bad,” says Schwarsvenberg, “we all knew she didn’t have the money to ever pull off a career in music that would survive outside of the internet. It was all a cute joke really and fairly tame in comparison to what Willow Smith has unleashed on the world.”

Smith’s current single, “Fireball”, which deals with themes of partying, being a spoilt little brat, partying, being amazing and more partying has a chorous line so irritating that medical professionals the world over are endorsing suicide as the only known cure for getting the line “Imma fireball of the party, Imma, Imma, Imma fireball of the party” out of patient’s heads.

 

 

“It’s a drastic call, we know,” said Charles Grant, MD of the medical profession, “but besides the fact that it’s the only known cure for getting that line out of your head, who’d honestly want to live in a world where atrocities like these are not only allowed to go unpunished, but are endorsed by commercial radio and TV stations simply because Smith’s parents are loaded.”

With Willow Smith’s album being released in April of this year, we can only hope and pray that the predicted Mayan Apocalypse happens in time to save us from the extensive mind-raping the album is likely to produce.

God help us.

God help us all.

-ST

10
Jan
12

5 Tips To Make Your Life Too Awesome To Handle

cubicleIt was only natural that after personal email accounts were invented, some genius would figure out a way to send an email, with the click of one button, to an address that goes to everyone in the office.

It’s a brilliant way to share innocuous jokes, engage in some inter-office banter or remind everyone that the office email address is NOT for sharing jokes or wasting everyone’s time with inter-office banter.

Thanks to all@xxx.xxx addresses at the various companies I’ve worked for, I’ve been sent countless emails about animals that need homes, been schooled time and time again about Jesus and been sent life-changing emails like this one.

This one’s called “Tips To Make Your Life Easier” and thanks to these tips, my life is now too awesome to handle.

 

Tip #1:

A tip for holiday packing. Store shoes inside shower caps to stop dirty soles rubbing on your clothes. And you can find them in just about every hotel!

 

 

Are you actually serious?! Best. Tip. Ever. Put your shoes in a shower cap and they somehow magically appear in “just about every hotel”!

The minute I read this I raced home and covered all my shoes in shower caps. I have yet to go to a hotel since doing this, but if the internet can be trusted, I’m pretty sure I’ll find all my shoes there.

 

Tip #2:

A muffin pan becomes a craft caddy. Magnets hold the plastic cups down to make them tip-resistant.

 

 

This is super-neat because up until now I’ve been using an old egg carton for my craft caddy and thus the cup size for my paintbrushes, scissors, crayons and fruit pastilles has been severely limited.

The only problem with this tip is that now that my baking tray is full of useful junk, it made tip #3 a little tricky…

 

Tip #3:

Turn your muffin pan upside down, bake cookie-dough over the top and voila – you have cookie bowls for fruit or ice-cream.

 

 

See, I tried this tip and while it did make some pretty amazing cookie bowls, all my craft utensils melted into this toxic, multi-coloured gloop on the bottom of my oven, producing a thick, black smoke that stained the roof of our flat so badly the landlord says he’s keeping our deposit.

Still, the cookie bowls were awesome. Even if they did taste a little of melted plastic and resulted in us having to be rushed to the emergency room.

Yum!

 

Tip #4:

Win friends at breakfast with this heart-shaped egg tutorial. Aww shucks!

 

 

For the longest time, I’d finish up a hearty breakfast feeling nourished physically, but completely empty and unfulfilled emotionally.

It was then that I realised it was because I wasn’t winning friends at breakfast!

With this handy tip, I win friends all the time now. Why, just the other day I was talking to one of the recent friends I’ve won, reminiscing about how we first met in a crowded restaurant and how, using nothing more than a rubber band I carry around with me everywhere I go, a chopstick and a rectangular piece of paper, I mangled 5 hard boiled eggs trying to make an egg / boat thing that I then cut in half to create egg hearts so I could win his friendship!

“Ha ha. Yeah…” he said, thinking back on that day, “I hate you.”

 

Tip #5:

Bread tags make the perfect-sized cord labels.

 

 

Ever since I started using this tip, all that endless confusion about which cable belongs to my mouse and which one powers my laptop is finally over!

Now I come to work confident in the knowledge that no longer will I waste the first hour of my day trying to plug my mouse into the power cable hole and vice versa, hooray!

I hope you guys find these five tips as useful as I did and share them with friends and family to make their lives easier too.

Send this post on now to 5 people and an amazing thing will happen in your life!

Send it on to 10 and you will be magically granted the ability to fly and shoot lasers out of your eyes and send it to 20 or more and you will win so much money, you’ll be richer than God!

-ST

09
Jan
12

Let’s Hope The Mayans Were Right

489beeca0793a7_93519858frogview-galleryWhat a great post to start the New Year off with right? “Let’s hope the Mayans were right”. What a cheerful guy our buddy ol’ pal Slicky-T is in 2012.

Can you tell it’s my first day back at work? But to be perfectly honest, even if it weren’t I’d still hold fast to the hope that the Mayans are right.

Morbid as it sounds, if this is it and the world ends in 2012, literally detonates or gets destroyed by a gigantic Tsunami or something and there’s nothing left of us, think about how awesome that would be!

I’m not afraid to die. Whatever happens after that happens, nothing you can do to stop it. But the thought of the people I love dying is probably the single most terrifying thing I can think of.

If everyone died at exactly the same time in a cataclysmic end of world event, who’d miss us?

So if this is it, the last year of human existence let’s not waste it on mediocrity.

Let’s learn from people like our friends Walk Off The Earth who, with one fucking guitar being played by 5 people have figured out the most amazing cover of the Gotye song “Somebody That I Used To Know” I’ve ever heard.

 

 

Now send this to all your friends, but don’t tell them about the mopey intro to this post, just say, “Hey, check out this cool video…” and in that way they’ll swallow the deceptive sugar-coated mind-fuck that is this site and their lives will be all the better for it.

Word.

-ST

30
Dec
11

Let The Good Times Roll

220px-1859-Martinique.webThings have been quiet here at Tiger HQ as you may have noticed over the past few days, but it’s nothing to freak out about, I haven’t lost my blogging mojo, I’m just on holiday, being a lazy ass.

Christmas was awesome, spent it with J-Rab’s family soaking up the sun by the pool and stuffing our faces with more food than you can shake a stick at.

Otherwise I’ve been taking it super easy-breezy, reading, drinking and writing. Actually managed to bang a short screenplay out for the Jameson / Kevin Spacey competition and entered it. If I win, Kevin Spacey will produce and act in my short movie!

But that’s not why I’m writing this.

I’m writing this to wish all you crazy kids a fucking sick New Years because I don’t think I’ll have any time tomorrow to bang something out before the festivities kick in.

It’s been a trying year, but then again, aren’t they all?

I don’t mean that in a bad way. The human spirit is like a muscle, it needs to be tested, torn up once in awhile, stretched to its limits in order for it to grow and strengthen.

 

 

I wouldn’t wish easy years on my worst enemy. I wouldn’t wish hellish years either, but somewhere between the two is where you’ll strike the balance needed to grow your spirit without getting it crushed.

When all is said and done, I hope 2011 was a good year for you. High five for making it out alive.

2012 could very well bring about the end of the world if the Mayans are right so we gotta make the most of every fucking second of it.

Next year we fight tooth and nail for the things we want and we don’t fucking back down for anyone or anything.

Fight on, and when life knocks you down, get the fuck back up and headbutt it in the face.

 

 

I leave you with these words, my parting gift for 2011:

 

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.

– e. e. cummings

 

Happy New Year Winking smile

-ST

22
Dec
11

The Tiger’s Top 10 Albums of 2011

1247423079-photoI tell ya, I’ve been putting this fucking post off for a good two weeks now while everyone else’s top 50, 20, 10 and 5 lists have been flooding the Twittersphere.

And no, it’s not because I wanted to suss their lists first to make sure mine’s not crap, it’s because there were so many great albums that landed this year I don’t know where the fuck to start.

In the end, I followed the tried and tested method of sorting my iTunes library by year and scrolling down whilst mentally jogging through all the albums I listened to this year, yielding the following scientifically accurate results…

 

NUMBER 10 – Deerhoof (Deerhoof Vs Evil)

2deerhoof

What quickly becomes apparent when listening to Deerhoof’s 11th album is that for all its chaotic bursts of noise and bizarre musical twists and turns, this band has the kind of musical talent that borders on genius.

This album will confuse the shit out of you the first time you hear it. However, Japanese frontlady Satomi Matsuzaki’s bubblegum-pop perfect vocal delivery and guitarist John Dieterich’s ability to write effortlessly catchy guitar riffs will have you coming back for more.

If you like your music irreverent, unpredictable, catchy as hell and severely tripped out you won’t be able to put this album down. Here’s “Secret Mobilisation” to give you a taste:

 

 

NUMBER 9 – Foster The People (Torches)

 

Foster-the-People-TorchesYes, yes, I know. How could anyone who considers himself a serious music critic endorse a band that produces such blatantly unapologetic indie pop?

I’ll admit that Foster The People is definitely a guilty pleasure of mine, but y’know what?

Sometimes I just want to listen to catchy singalong tunes that don’t send me spiralling into a vortex of existential angst and introspection, is that a crime?!

Torches is packed full of great hooks, clap-your-hands-and-dance-around carefree summer melodies and chorouses that bounce inside your head for days.

Here’s the video for “Don’t Stop (Colour On The Walls)” – you HAVE to watch this, it’s brilliant!

 

 

NUMBER 8 – Cults

 

miniContinuing in the indie pop vein (don’t worry, this list grows some big hairy balls later) the Cults’ debut self-titled album also impressed.

This band borrows sounds from traditional 50s teen prom-pop, doo-wop and surf rock, laces them with a heavy dose of reverb and samples of cult leaders speaking to their followers and then wraps it all up in frontlady Madeline Follin’s high-pitched cantopop style vocals.

Which is a very convoluted way of saying this band writes simple melodies, sick hooks and killer songs that are seriously easy to get into and carry just enough weight to not be completely dismissed as indie pop fluff.

Here’s the video for “Abducted”, the opening track on Cults. Oddly enough, it also features a lot of driving. Starting to pick up a trend here…

 

 

NUMBER 7 – Taxi Violence (Long Way From Home)

 

Taxi-Violence-Long-Way-From-HomeThe only SA band to make it on the Tiger’s list! Yeah, I need to sink my teeth into more local music…

Long Way From Home features re-written, acoustic versions of old favourites like “The Mess”, “Devil ‘n Pistol” and “The Turn” which sound like they’ve been taken apart and completely rebuilt from scratch. And of course, Taxi Violence threw in one or two new tracks written specifically for the album.

It’s a refreshing change from your stereotypical acoustic album where most bands just swap electric guitars for acoustic ones and serve up warmed up leftovers thinly disguised as an album actually worth listening to.

Their acoustic rendition of “Heads and Tails” is particularly noteworthy, as is “Long Way From Home” with its upbeat, bluesy / rock flavour played with bright, jangling guitars and tambourines that reminded me of some of the earlier Supergrass albums.

To give you a taste of what I’m banging on about, here’s the SICK video they shot for “Heads Or Tails”, which recently won the Best Video Award at the 2011 Wirral International Film Festival.

 

 

NUMBER 6 – Seasick Steve (You Can’t Teach An Old Dog New Tricks)

 

2933150-seasick-steve-you-cant-teach-an-old-dog-new-tricksI met my buddy Seasick Steve when I was down in the dumps earlier this year and we became great buddies.

See, ol’ Seasick knows how bad things can get, before he made it he used to busk in the Paris Metro, only finding fame in his late fifties.

This guy is the real deal, from his frazzled grey soup-catcher to his beaten up John Deere cap and dungarees, he is everything that is badass about old-school blues.

He has a voice like an old grizzly bear and can change it up from the low, lonely, slit-your-wrists ballad I’m about to play you to foot-stompin, redneck country and western tracks that bring words like “yeee-haw!” and “hootenanny!” to mind.

I just think he’s fucking cool. I’ve got a soft spot for old veterans like my pal Seasick. He attributes his recent success to his cheap and weather-beaten guitar “The Trance Wonder” which he bought off a friend of his in Mississippi who later revealed to Seasick that it was haunted.

Check out this video of the ol’ grizzly bear playing “Burnin’ Up” at SXSW earlier this year and dig his outburst at 2:18. What a badass.

 

 

NUMBER 5 – Yuck

 

Yuck1My favourite debut album of the year and irrefutable proof that, like a gigantic, spindly cockroach surviving a nuclear apocalypse, the 90s will never die.

This band packs all the distorted, wailing guitar fury of bands like Sonic Youth and Dinosaur Jr and the playful, foot-tapping basslines of the Pixies topped off with a fuzzy vocal tone Pavement would be proud of.

But that’s not what made this album shine for me.

What made it shine lies in this band’s seemingly effortless ability to write melodies that soar with breath-taking dexterity above the tracks that make up this self-titled debut.

One part fuzzy, wah-pedal driven slacker indie rock and one part slow-burning, melody-driven alt rock worthy of old school Smashing Pumpkins / REM, Yuck carries a powerful emotional gravitas that blazes a trail through lesser bands’ attempts at redefining one of the defining decades in rock music history.

Simply put, this album is everything that was great about 90’s garage / grunge low-fi reimagined in the 21st century.

Here’s “Get Away” so you can hear for yourself what makes this band great:

 

 

NUMBER 4 – Arctic Monkeys (Suck It And See)

 

ArcticMonkeysSuckItAndSee600Gb200411Arctic Monkeys made a name for themselves by perfecting the art of writing gigantic, energetic hooks and hammering them home effortlessly a talent that the band exploited extensively in their first two albums.

Then came Humbug, one of the first albums I ever reviewed on this site and with it, a complete departure from the sound they had carved out for themselves in Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not and Favourite Worst Nightmare.

They enlisted Josh Homme from Queens Of The Stone Age to produce Humbug and with his help their sound changed almost completely from infectious indie to dark, moody desert rock in a move that showed there was so much more to this band than any of us could have guessed.

Suck It And See continues in the desert rock vein this band carved out with Homme, but this time around, the band has moulded that sound instead of copy / pasted it and as a result, sound a lot more comfortable than they did on Humbug, as phenomenal as that album was.

Killer tracks like “All My Own Stunts” with its cowboy twang and insidious bassline and “Don’t Sit Down Cause I’ve Moved Your Chair”, the most powerful desert rock anthem on the album, are balanced out by the caustic wit and beautiful melodies of tracks like “Reckless Serenade” and ‘The Hellcat Spangled Shalalala”.

It has a lot of meat to it, plenty to sink your teeth into and it gets better with every listen.

Here’s “Don’t Sit Down Cause I’ve Moved Your Chair”, one of the most tripped out videos I’ve seen this year.

 

 

NUMBER 3 – Foo Fighters (Wasting Light)

 

Foo-FightersThe album that’s been KILLING everyone’s top album lists this year finds a comfortable spot at number three on the Tiger’s list because Dave Grohl is a total fucking badass and Wasting Light has to be one of the best albums the Foos have put out since my personal favourite One By One.

This time around the band threw all the modern new-fandangled methods of recording out the window and went 100% old school.

The band literally set up a studio in Dave Grohl’s garage and did Wasting Light on brown analogue tape that they then cut together by hand using fucking razorblades for god’s sake!

The result is an album of raw, aggressive, skull-fuckingly powerful rock music that pulls no punches and takes no prisoners.

“Bridge Burning” will make you thrash around the room like an idiot savant who just hit a bong and downed a pint of rubbing alcohol, “Rope” has the catchiest, most badass Foos chorous riff since “Low” and “White Limo” is sheer, hedonistic rock music at it’s most awesome.

Just watch this fucking video. It stars Lemmy from Motörhead for god’s sake! How fucking badasss is that?!

 

 

NUMBER 2 – The Black Keys (El Camino)

 

The-Black-Keys-El-CaminoNarrowly missing the top spot on this year’s list are the current reigning champions of the American 70’s blues / rock revivalist movement, The Black Keys with their 7th studio album El Camino.

Unlike it’s predecessor Brothers, El Camino moves at a blistering pace – no slow-burners on this foot-stompingly infectious, monster hook-laden album, no sir. This time around the Keys have dialled things up to a whole other level and the results are nothing short of sublime.

From the rusty guitar riffs and insanely catchy chorous of “Lonely Boy” to the righteous, sleazy grooves of “Sister” and the almost Zepplinesque prog rock ballad that is “Little Black Submarines”, the Keys pull no punches in this noteworthy follow up to Brothers.

And don’t even get me started on “Gold On The Ceiling”, which emerges like a mutated Thin Lizzy track bursting at the seams with hand-clap percussion, skuzzy organs and a pre-chorous that sounds like it was written specifically for strip club scenes in Robert Rodriguez films.

So why not list this as my top album of 2011? As I stated in my original review, El Camino’s only downfall is the fat that, at 38 mins, it’s a little on the lean side in comparison to Brothers, which is basically the only thing I can fault on this album.

There just isn’t enough of it.

Still though, it’s a sick, sick, sick record – here’s “Lonely Boy” to prove that fact.

 

 

NUMBER 1 – The Kills (Blood Pressures)

 

the kills 505diary.blogspot.comAgain, I refer to my original review of this, my favourite fucking album of 2011, because it perfectly captures what I think of this album:

When I stumbled on The Kills latest album Blood Pressures, I got one minute into the first track and started grinning from ear to ear.

Some of this had to do with the dark and dangerous sound of guitarist Jamie Hince’s Hofner played in all it’s bone-rattling glory. This man has perfected a grimey, thick-as-tar tone that had me hooked from the get go.

But what really mind-fucked me was how sinister and cool frontwoman Alison Mosshart’s vocals sounded – like butter wouldn’t melt on her tongue, like she was everything sexy and dangerous in this world, like she could kill you with a look or break you with a smile.

The Kills is her band, her little broody-beautiful world that she shares with guitarist Jamie Hince and there’s something about the fuzz and the mud and the malevolence and the majesty of it all that haunted me and continues to haunt me with every listen.

“You Don’t Own The Road” saunters like a drunk cowboy waving his six shooter with the safety off, “DNA” stalks purposefully through the woods at dusk, picking its way through an undergrowth of drumsticks clattering against drumsticks whilst wading through a quagmire of swampy basslines.

“Baby Says” has the melancholy of a Cowboy Junkies track, a lilting melody to keep you company in the hollow hours before sunrise, a song that echoes back to better times.

 

 

But “Future Starts Slow” is still my favourite. Stark, defiant, sexy, it has a drum track that plays like a striptease and one of the simplest, most powerful riffs I’ve heard in a good long while.

I got a dark streak a mile wide that this album really speaks to but that doesn’t mean you’ll love it anywhere near as much as I do.

If nothing else, it’s a great example of how simple, stylised riffs (played with truckloads of badass fuzzy effects) layered with amazingly complex drums and sultry, provocative vocals can seduce you to the point of infatuation.

If you want to know what the music playing in the jungles of my Tiger-mind sounds like, get your hands on this album and if you’re anything like me, pretty soon it’ll be playing through the jungles of your mind too.

Here’s “Satellite” to sink your fangs into.

 

 

That about wraps it up for my top 10 albums of 2011, a post that’s been THREE DAYS in the making, can you fucking believe it!?

So yeah, any comments would be appreciated – what albums rocked your guys’ world in 2011?

-ST

20
Dec
11

Today We Take The Easy Way Out

cora-skinner-8Fuck it’s been a hardcore year. It’s not just me right? You guys feel it too, I know this because we are closely connected psychically. I’m in your head right now in fact, that’s my voice you’re hearing – hello!

So yeah. I’m fucking frazzelled guys, seriously. So I’m taking the easy way out today and doing something us bloggers like to refer to as “shooting fish in a barrel” – ie. posting pictures of hotties to get hits.

Absolutely NO intellectual content here whatsoever, just my good friend Cora Skinner (courtesy of Next Round) hanging out in a swimming cozzie.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cool. Feeling better? Great.

Glad I could be of service Winking smile

-ST

19
Dec
11

Wishing You A Calvin & Hobbes Christmas

tumblr_lvliwpwHgf1r74shoo1_250Was there ever a pair of comic book characters more awesome than Calvin and Hobbes? I must have about 8 or 9 collected volumes of Calvin and Hobbes and I think I’ve read them about 5 times each.

Creator Bill Watterson is truly a genius. Calvin & Hobbes is a perfect mixture of wacky humour, philosophy, morality and youthful innocence. It also has a tiger in it, which immediately makes it a winner in my books.

What I really loved about C&H though was how intelligent Calvin is – he sprouts words even I have to look up sometimes and has this dark, twisted sense of humour that I really relate to.

For example, every time it snows, Calvin diligently gets to work building snowmen, but unlike “normal” kids, he takes the medium to a whole other level by building snow scenes that could have been stolen out of a Steven King novel…

 

 

Too awesome.

I must say though, being the big softie that I am, I also really related to the sentimental stuff that Watterson wrote for C&H, especially the Christmas panels.

Here is my favourite C&H Christmas panel so that my street cred as a badass, take-no-shit-from-nobody blogger can be forever tarnished in a gigantic “Awwwwwww!” moment.

 

 

-ST

15
Dec
11

Okes Who Like To Klap It #10: ANTON TAYLOR

Anton5Once in a while a oke come along who is not just a normal oke, he’s not just another chop head who doesn’t unnerstand the meaning of getting MASSIVE, RIPPED and BUFF and banging hot BELTERS!

This oke, he can be called a LEGEND among men, he can be called the CHOSEN CHARNA. This oke can KILL you with a LOOK, OR he can safe lives by curing any disease – AIDS, TERBUCULOZES, PREGNANCY, ANYTHING – with a flippin’ high five.

This oke walks amongst us, KLAPPING IT, MOERING okes who are kak, BANGING hot BELTERS and being a LEGEND and his name… is ANTON TAYLOR.

 

 

The second I checked this oke I INSTANTLY kakked my pants he’s so flippin’ MASSIVE AND RIPPED. Do you think just any oke’s hair grows like that? Fuck boet, come off it man!

When ANTON TAYLOR was a laaitie ous must have put him in RADIOACTIVE waste and shit or sent him from ANOTHER PLANET or bitten him with A SPIDER or something, cause the BUFFNESS of this boychay is OFF THE CHAIN!

And you think it stops there? CHARNA, that’s only where it STARTS!

 

 

FLIPPIN’ WINGS BOET! THAT THE OU CAN ACTUALLY FLY WITH!

I know EXACTLY what you’re thinking and the answer is NO! It’s not flippin’ fair that ONE OKE can naturally grow lightning bolts that point at his cheloger and HAIR WINGS on his back that he can fly around with, but you know what?

Life’s not fair boet. All us ordinary charnas can do is KLAP IT every day and hope to one day be HALF as MASSIVE, RIPPED and BUFF as ANTON TAYLOR.

 

 

I never thought a oke could ever be more buff than PAUL MAIN MAN, but flip ANTON TAYLOR, you are on a DIFFERENT LEVEL from that other ou.

I did some googalising on the interwebs and find out the following stuff about ANTON TAYLOR:

 

  • The explosion in Hirosheema wasn’t actually a plutonic bomb, it was one of ANTON TAYLOR’S PROTEIN BAFFS
  • The TITANIC didn’t sink because it hit a iceberg, ANTON TAYLOR went back in time and punched a hole in it because it was KAK
  • ANTON TAYLOR’S chest hair is what gave God the idea of LIGHTNING
  • The twin towers weren’t hit by a plane, ANTON TAYLOR flew into both of them when he was distracted banging two blonde BELTERS at the same time IN THE AIR
  • If you look directly at ANTON TAYLOR’S handlebars for longer than 6 seconds you go blind
  • ANTON TAYLOR caused the earthquake that destroyed Japan. He chucked his weights on the ground after his 1 000 000 000 000th rep and the resulting tremor moved the TECHNOTRONIC PLATES!
  • God didn’t rest on the seventh day, he gave up because he realised EVERYTHING HE CREATED WAS KAK compared to ANTON TAYLOR

 

Keep KLAPPING IT ma boychay, you are an inspirhation to BUFF CHARNAS the world over!

-ST