Them's Fightin' Words

If you’re still at work reading this, then I have good news for you. As a man who’s been on holiday since Friday, I can honestly say that it’s FUCKING AWESOME!

Especially if you live in Cape Town. I mean holy shit, how hot has it been the past 10 days? The city bowl is like a goddamn oven – the sun sets at 8pm and all throughout the day it’s clear skies, sunshine and good times.

I only go back to work on the 7th Jan but I’m not actually going anywhere so I’ve decided to carve my days up into “time units” that I’m only allowed to spend doing stuff that makes me happy.

A “time unit” is roughly an hour, give or take. I’ve stopped checking the time on my cell phone and am training myself to figure out what time it is by gauging the sun’s position in the sky, which I’ve found myself spending many “time units” gazing at.

The sky, as it turns out, is an infinitely fascinating place inhabited by more birds than I think you realise because you never look up.

But don’t feel bad, nobody looks up. Everybody’s always looking down to make sure they don’t fall down a manhole or something while they scuttle from one important thing to another.

Fuck that. Over the last two days I estimate I’ve expended roughly seven “time units” on the beach, lying on my back, my face shaded by our blue stripy beach umbrella with a huge, content grin on my face doing nothing but watching the sky.

That is of course until I inevitably doze off to the calming sounds of icy waves crashing on the shore, the rhythmic percussion of people playing beach bat and ball and the far off cries of lollies to make you jolly.

It’s been great guys, really. My only regret is that I haven’t dedicated more time to writing, but I’m going to work on fixing that.

In the meantime, here’s a breakdown of how I’m currently expending “time units”:

Sun at Early-Sky

• 2 TU: Waking J-Rab up and telling each other our dreams, making delicious coffee, shuffling around in my underpants, saying good morning to the cat, eating toast / yoghurt and fruit salad, getting dressed, brushing teeth, etc.
• 1 TU: KLAPPING GYM BOET! It’s flippin important to always klap gym ALWAYS! Other ous stop klapping gym in holidays, those ous are flippin DOFF! In the holidays is when the best time is to get a flippin’ MASSIVE and RIPPED advantage over other lazy ous. You won’t need a “getting back into shape after christmas” program boet, you’ll be the ou in the gym the other ous will check in January and be like “FLIP MAN! How’s that oke?! Jassis he looks TIT!”
• 1 TU: Quick cold shower, protein shake, baguette sarmie-making session, packing the coolie with lots of ice and water, packing backpacks with towels, suncream and books, saying goodbye to the cat

Sun at Middle-Sky

• 3 TU: Setting up comfy beach spot. Lay our towels down, opening the umbrella, putting on lots of suncream factor 30 (NB!) and drinking ice-cold water. After a bit we haul the sarmies out and have lunch and watch the ocean swell and crash in impossibly big waves. When we’re so hot it feels like our blood’s about to boil we dive headlong into the sea, gasping as we come up for air because the water’s so deliciously cold. We sprint out again and sprawl on our towels. Sometimes we play backgammon on the beach, we used to play beach bat and ball but we’re pretty bad at it and kept hitting the ball into people trying to relax.
• 2 TU: Packing up from the beach and coming home. Greeting the cat and asking her how her day was. Having cold showers, checking for sunburn and applying aftersun if necessary.
• 1 TU: Afternoon nap with the fan on. 100% guilt-free summer napping. You can’t beat this – the feeling of the glowing sun radiating from you, the saltiness of the ocean rough on your skin. Is it possible to fall asleep and wake up still smiling? Yes. Yes it is.

Sun at Low-Sky

• 2 TU: We throw supper together. Summer is light stuff – salads, fish, easy stuff like that. The sun sinks quietly and the cobalt hue of evening engulfs the sky. I sneak up behind her while she’s cooking sometimes and put my arms around her. In this simple way we love each other.
• 3 TU: We curl up and watch movies and series or read books or engage in other activities that shall remain nameless because my mom reads this blog. We brush teeth and sometimes floss. J-Rab falls asleep in my arms while the occasional breeze whispers through the curtains and all is quiet except for the occasional passing car in the street outside and the cat’s muffled miaws as she catches mice in her dreams

If I could hit pause right now, I swear I could live out the rest of my days in this moment and die a happy man.

Ah, what the hell.

*pause*

-ST