Don’t you love it when people (usually your parents) send you the same funny email / video you saw five years ago?
That’s the beauty of the interwebs. The same content gets sent round and round and round endlessly, getting a little less funny each time you see it, as is the case with the “world’s funniest analogiesâ€.
I first read some of these back when I was in highschool which means they’ve been kicking around for AT LEAST a year now, but what the hell.
Some are new so I thought I’d share because I was too busy KLAPPING GYM last night to think up a post to write.
So here, according to the interwebs, are some of the world’s funniest analogies that are supposedly found in actual student’s papers (unlikely):
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy
who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those
boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at
high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one
of those boxes with a pinhole in it.She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just
before it throws up.Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
ball wouldn’t.The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry
them in hot grease.Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at
4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had
also never met.He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East
River.
Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one
that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law George. But unlike George,
this plan just might work.The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating
for a while.The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg
behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with
power tools.He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if
she were a garbage truck backing up
Alright. Back to work everyone. Those McDonalds burgers aren’t going to flip themselves 
-ST
