Posts Tagged ‘wembley square virgin active

12
Oct
11

Okes Who Like To Klap It #9: Moffie Socks Classes!

By SlickTiger 2 Comments
Categories: Klapping It
Tags: , , , , ,

richard_bransonMa boychays (and BELTERS)!

Remember lank long ago when I first spotted a charna wearing retro moffie socks in Wembley Virgin only to spot ANOTHER charna doing the same thing a coupla days later?

And then a coupla days after that, the crave went MENTAL all thanks to me?

Ja, well now the head CEO of the whole of Virgin, my good buddy Richard Brandson (or Dicky-B as I like to call him when we’re on his yot surrounded with BELTERS) has sent me a personal LETTER asking if he can use my idea for Virgin Active!

Here’s the letter he sent:

Hi Slicky-T,

I were reading your absolutely mind-bloggingly great site the other day and came upon a great thought for all my Virgin Active gyms the whole of South Africa over that I belief will be great!

What about if we used your very amazingly clever idea of the “moffie socks” as you call them (here in England (land of the Queen) they are knowed as “legwarmers”) and the superb-human strength they create in a man (or a women) as the bases for an attire new class that guys can do in a Virgin gym!

My marketing department has thought up of the great name which is called “Retro Aerobics” for these new classes, but don’t worry! I have already sent you a check for about $5 000 000 for letting me use this great  idea, well done!

Keep on klapping it and please come back and stay on one of my trpoical island bases again sometime soon but please switch the gas off this time we don’t want another insident like what happened the last time when you burned down the house down and Kate had to save my mom you rascal!

“Kief ma boychie!”

“Klap it Boet!”

Your pal,
Dicky-B

I couldn’t belief my ears when I read that letter?! Hey?! Dicky-B thinks I caused the fire at his house when everyone knows it was flippin KATE who leaved the gas on!

 

 

Anyway, after much debilitation I decided to go to my loyers with this kak as it was clearly MY IDEA about the Retro Aerobics and ME who created the moffie socks crave and discovered their secret powers and I don’t think $5 000 000 is enough payment for such a flippin’ JENIUS IDEA!

But it’s all kief and sorted now. I got TWICE what Dicky offered inishally, $2 500 00! Which just goes to show okes, if you have a dream, don’t sit around like a asshole spraying yourself with a lekker tan all day and getting it on the couch and ruining the kief new vest you got at a Mr Price sale (2 for double the price of one!) and smashing tuna into your face while you watch last nite’s episode of 7nd Laan again in case you missed anything the first time, go out there and KLAP IT BOET!

Now I can proudly say there is a Virgin class named after me and if you don’t belief me, here are pics that proof it!

 

 

 

 

So go klap a Retro Aerobics class TODAY and when they ask you, tell them the INVENTOR of the class, Slicky-T sent you.

Later CHARNAS!

-ST

07
Oct
11

Okes Who Like To Klap It #8: Belters In Legwarmers!

By SlickTiger 1 Comment
Categories: Klapping It
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

80s-Leg-WarmersCharnas, you gotta believe me when I choon you that the legwarmer crave that I started has gone flippin’ bonkers and tuff ous from all over the country are sending me pics of EVERYTHING wearing retro moffie socks!

I can’t believe it that it was only a week ago that I started everything with me posting a oke I saw KLAPPING IT in retro moffie socks. Then, hard;y a week later I see another charna KLAPPING IT EVEN HARDER, also in retro moffie socks.

And NOW it’s not just boychays wearing this miracle strength-inhancing leg-KLAPPER, as I discovered during my mid-day PUMP at Virgin Wembley yesterday, it’s BELTERS too!

 

 

Apparently, the magic of the moffie sock works for BELTERS too, encouraging circlation through the entire body, therefore promoting oyxgen to the muscles which maximises not only the BUFFNESS but also the BENDING ABILITY of any BELTER.

But then ous took things to a whole OTHER LEVEL and put moffie socks on inanminate objects like ol’ Jannie Van Riebeek’s statue in KLAPSTAD, thereby making the statue INSTANTLY stand 78% more still than usual and get kakked on by 130% less pidgeons – KLAP IT JANNIE!

 

 

But there’s more okes! On Wensday, one of my good chommies Wit Willie who KLAPS IT with all the the TUFF OUS and BELTERS at Virgin Active Greenpoint (or “The Point” as the kief ous call it) was driving home in his lekker supedup Ford Focus ST with his “Tap Out” bumper sticker when he saw THIS:

 

 

HEY?! HOW FLIPPIN’ BUFF IS THAT GIRAFFE?!

You can check by the lekker definition in the giraffe’s rear leg and his BUFF DELTS, that this charna’s a BEAST in the gym. And I can tell you right now that that BUFFNESS comes from the retro moffie socks the ou is wearing – KLAP IT GIRAFFE!

But lastly okes, there’s one more. For this one I want you charnas and belters out there to just prepare yourselves beforehand for the buffness because it’s OFF THE FLIPPIN’ CHAIN!

My other buddy, Chippy, was doing STREET LUNGES with 20kilo dumbells the other day to give his quads a flippin’ lekker workout when he, out the side of his eye, checked THIS:

 

 

Okes, I’m not joking when I tell you that Chippy told me that the light that shone from that flippin’ streetpost was so flippin MASSIVE AND RIPPED, it was MELTING THE FLIPPIN’ CARS!

Completely mesmernised, Chippy pushed the button you see in the picture and flippin’ BALLS OF GREEN, RED AND ORANGE FIRE shot out of the streetpost and melted a ENTIRE BUILDING down – KLAP IT STREETPOST!

The power of the moffie socks cannot be unnerestimated okes. Those charnas back in the 80s when every oke looked like ARNOLD SHWARZENNEGAR and every BELTER looked like JANE FONDLE knowed secrets of KLAPPING IT we can only dream of.

 

 

If I could go back in time like that movie with the ous in the car that runs on GARBAGE, I’d go back to the the 80s to learn from the masters in my lekker retro moffie socks and come back THE BUFFEST CHARNA IN THE LAND!

All I need is a little irritating oke in a kief red jacket and a mad professor oke who shouts a lot and has kak hair. Anyone know any ous like that…?

KLAP IT CHARNAS!

-ST

04
Oct
11

Okes Who Like To Klap It #7 – Another Legwarmer Boychie!

By SlickTiger Leave a Comment
Categories: Klapping It
Tags: , , , , , ,

bodybuilder2As a oke who has become one of the most predigious bloggers in the country, if not the universe, I can choon you straight that if I say something is kief, it becomes a overnight cessation.

When I wrote The SlickTiger Guide To Klapping Gym Boet (or TSTGTKB as the medias calls it), basically the next day millions of boychays and belters from the West Rand to the Western Cape stopped “doing” gym. Nobody says they “do” gym anymore, unless that person is flippin’ dof.

Okes KLAP GYM, BOET! And now, since my interwebs article last week, they do it in lekker retro-pienk moffie socks!

I was doing my fith set of 150kilo benchpress at Wembley Virgin last night, my guns firing like flippin’ twin BAZOOKAS while BELTERS pointed and laughed in disbelieve at how well my new retro-pienk moffie socks worked their circlation magic, when I saw ANOTHER CHARNA with identical moffie socks as mine, only blue!

When the BELTERS saw this oke that was it. They flippin’ nearly fell over they were laughing with so much respect at the MASSIVE weights this oke was EATING.

 

 

“Those are very sexy,” one of the BELTERS asked me, “can I borrow them for my aerobics class?”

“NO!” I flippin’ chooned her, “ARE YOU STUPID?!”

She was definitely stupid. I mean, the music was PUMPING, but I’m pretty sure she called me a ”vacuum” before she walked away with her BELTER friend obviously to find me on Vleisboek and look at the pictures of me and my charnas klapping lekker DOEF DOEF music and rubbing oil on each other to practise for the next WHOSE THE MASSIVEST COMPETITION.

 

 

Anyway, I approached this boychay to introduce myself cause I could check by the way he was inmitating me that I am his hero.

“CHARNA! SlickTiger,” I said.

“Okaay,” he said back, pretending not to know me cos oviously the poor oke was shy.

“Lekker moffie socks boet,” I said.

“Thanks. Are you also in on this thing?” he said.

“Boet, in on it?! I INVENTED IT CHARNA!” I said.

“It’s a cool idea, it’s got a lot of people talking. Did you see what they did to the Jan Van Riebeek statue?” he said.

 

 

“The what?! Boet, I dunno what the flip you’re talking about but all I can say is that with these bad boys on I’m KLAPPING IT STUKKEND! My circlation is FLIPPIN HECTIC! I’m eating weights so MASSIVE, those two BELTERS that just walked past called me a VACUUM!” I said.

“Um…” he said.

“I also can’t believe it hey? I dunno why I didn’t get these flippin’ things YEARS AGO. You go back to your sets charna. If you want a autograph or something I’ll be in the steam room,” I chooned.

It’s amazing how this craze it taking off because of me! I said it before, but I’ll say it again – if you want to seriously experience ANOTHER LEVEL OF BUFFNESS, get some moffie socks TODAY and be an early adapter like me.

KLAP IT, BOET!

-ST