I know what you think when you think about Valentine’s Day, because I think the exact same thing: BLOWJOBS.
That’s right. BLOWIES. But do we ever get them? No we do not. And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is why men HATE Valentine’s Day.
I use the Charlie Brown analogy. That poor, poor basterd.
Always running up to kick the football that Lucy, who is a manipulative little thing if I ever saw one, ALWAYS pulls away at the last second, making Charlie land square on his ass.
Likewise, you buy your lady some flowers, a box of chocolates, maybe a gay little soft toy. You take her out for dinner and wine at a restaurant that has prices so high your balls hurt just thinking about them and you show her a great time.
You take her back home to the rose petal trail leading to the bedroom, light a few candles and give her a loving backrub with Roman Chamomile oil with a little Kenny G playing softly in the background.
You are so ready at this stage to get the best blowie of YOUR LIFE that you can hardly contain your excitement as you strip down and assume the position, ready to have your member and your mind BLOWN TO KINGDOM COME only to find…
She’s fallen into a wine-Kenny-G-and-sensual-backrub-induced coma and you’re somersaulting through the air, about to land square on your ass.
Either that or she sidles up to you all seductively, and whispers something devious like, “Whaddya say we just skip to the good part?†and before you know it, SCHLOOMF! It’s all over.
Well, I’m here to tell you some good news brother!
Because 2012 is a leap year, it ain’t Valentine’s Day on the 14th of Feb, it’s MANENTINE’S DAY, which means all the blowies YOU CAN HANDLE!
That’s right ladies, this year it’s all about spoiling your MAN. This is what the good folks at Savanna explained to me on Monday when I found ANTON TAYLOR and a BELTER waiting for me at reception:
That’s not all though. They also dropped off a whole lot of SICK manly stuffs like TOILET GOLF:
GUN ALARM CLOCK:
And my personal favourite, MMA DVD:
Don’t lie. You want this stuff SO BADLY right?
It’s all good homes, go to Savanna’s FB page by clicking on these magical words and tell them what your ultimate MANentine’s date would involve and you could win a date worth R10 000.
And if she DOESN’T give you a blowie at the end of that, well, I have some bad news for you.
You are dating a nun.
Good luck out there – if anyone’s gonna win this competition, it’ll be one of you crazy basterds 
-ST
