Posts Tagged ‘saffers

23
Jul
12

The Tiger Hits Up The Man U / Ajax Game, Gets Deliriously Happy for 4 Minutes

Man U Lead PicIf there’s one thing I can never get enough of, it’s articles written by PRs and people in marketing about “How To Approach Bloggers”.

Why anyone would waste their time writing Captain Obvious advice like that is beyond me. Just pick up a phone, call us, have a chat and send us cool free stuff.

My man Arthur from Oude Meester followed that advice to the letter last week Friday when he called me up, asked me if I wanted two tickets to the Oude Meester box for the Man U / Ajax game on Saturday, met me at the Engen on Orange in a black beemer and hooked a brother up.

Fast forward to Saturday afternnoon and J-Rab and I were squeezing our way through the crowds at Cape Town Stadium 5 minutes before kick-off, desperately trying to get to the Oude Meester box in time for the first whistle.

 

 

We managed to fight our way through the crowds and get to the Oude Meester box literally one minute after kick-off.

Had the game not just started I would definitely have done the typical blogger thing and taken pictures of the free food and brandy cocktails, but the atmosphere in the stadium was electric and we wanted in on the action yo.

 

 

I’m not much of a soccer fan, I get into it when the World Cup rolls around and sometimes I find myself watching a game or two in the pub. Like like most sports though, watching it live is always awesome and Saturday’s game was no exception.

Ajax played with a lot of heart and come half time both teams were tied at 0-0.

Watching our boys play I was struck by two things; the first was how much better they handled Man U than AmaZulu did (I was lucky enough to watch that game live in Durbs last week) and the second was how very small they looked.

 

 

After half-time the game started to get a little stale and the atmosphere in the stadium died down considerably as most of us resigned ourselves to a 0-0 draw.

Then shit got real. Alcardo Van Graan charged onto the field and a minute later back-heel flicked the ball into Manchester United’s net and every Saffer in the stadium, whether they were Manchester supporters or not, lost their damn minds.

 

 

It looked like Ajax were going to take it. They were 86 minutes into the game, all they had to do was keep their defence water-tight and stick to the Man U players like a bad rash.

But sadly, that didn’t happen. Man U came down the right flank like a goddamned steamroller and Bebe fired home with military precision, levelling the score at 1-1.

 

 

We were robbed I tell ya. Straight up. And the thing that pissed me off the most was how quickly Man U equalised.

I’d bet good money they huddled after Ajax scored and were like, “Ok. On three, unleash Hell.”

Then again, like I said I’m not the world’s most avid soccer fan so what do I know. Maybe Man U were giving it their all throughout, who’s to say?

It was an exciting game any way you look at it and J-Rab and I had a killer time, staying in the Oude Meester box long after the game was done because we were cabbing it home and were in the mood for a cheeky brandy cocktail or two.

This is the last thing I remember. Running up and down the stadium stairs while J-Rab took pics because, um, yeah. I seemed like a good idea at the time.

 

 

Good times I tell ya, good times Winking smile

-ST

26
Sep
11

SlickTiger Revolutionises Braai Day

All-in-one-Braai-PackDon’t get me wrong, I love a good braai just as much as the next South African. What better way to spend a sunny day than with good friends, cold beers and the mouth-watering aroma of delicious animals sizzling above a blanket of red hot coals.

It’s ingrained in our DNA. It’s as natural to South Africans as making chocolate is to the Swiss or being snooty pricks is to the French.

However, as a concerned global citizen I think we should pause for a minute and consider whether making EVERYONE IN THE COUNTRY BRAAI AT THE SAME TIME is really that smart.

Think about the countless thousands of kilos of wood and fossil fuels that were consumed this past weekend. Imagine all the forests that were cut down to satiate the burning desire that National Braai Day has created in South Africans of every creed and colour to braai the shit out of everything from mielies to mutton.

Which brings me neatly to my next point – the meat. Anyone read any statistics of how much meat was actually consumed this weekend? I shudder to think about the kilometres of boerie and tons of sosaties crammed into the mouths of Saffers in a desperate attempt to feel some kind of kinship with one another that doesn’t involve cheering for people who run around fields kicking / hitting different shaped balls.

 

 

Those animals had FAMILIES! They had amazing, bright futures ahead of them until we ground them up with their parents and children to make nice fat coils of Grabouw Farm Style boerie – buy in bulk and save!

Not to mention all the grain those animals had to be fed, all the millions of Rands spent pumping them full of vaccines, growth hormones and god knows what else to ensure that they don’t die until we decide they’re good and ready, and when that moment comes, they are the Incredible Hulks of the animal kingdom.

Day to day this shit doesn’t bother me, but it’s when we encourage EVERYONE TO DO IT AT THE SAME TIME that I start to wonder whether this is the brightest idea…

 

 

And so J-Rab and I came up with an ingenious alternative to Braai Day that I will be actively encouraging everyone to get involved in next year because you’d be a fucking retard not to.

It’s called NAAI DAY.

It involves literally waking up in the morning and dedicating an entire day to naaing.

Of course, the big aim of Naai Day will be to promote safe sex, which is why I’ll be approaching every condom manufacturer known to man to sponsor this nation wide campaign, because let’s be honest, as fun as braaing is, it will never beat spending the entire day naaing.

Naysayers will come at me with torches and pitchforks saying how irresponsible it is to promote an entire day devoted to banging in a country where AIDS is rife, family planning is non-existent and rape is a major issue, but I’ll say “be cool daddy-o” to all those naysayers because educating people about those things and creating awareness around those contentious issues is what Naai Day is ALL ABOUT.

 

 

Plus, it’s the perfect way to celebrate our heritage! We wouldn’t fucking exist if it weren’t for naaing so why not celebrate that fact by spending some real quality time with the one you love, making love.

I’m serious here guys. I just think that Braai Day is an unsustainable idea and one that, if it’s allowed to continue to grow year by year, is going to melt the polar ice caps, kill of entire plant and animal species and lead to us bankrupting the world’s natural resources to the point where all that will be left of the world by the time our grandkids are born is a barren wasteland of rusted Webers and broken braai tongs.

Compare that with a day spent enjoying the fun of safe, consensual, mind-blowingly amazing sex again and again and again and it’s a no-brainer guys, really.

 

 

So who’s with me here! Together we can make Naai Day a reality and save the world by doing what our ancestors and our ancestor’s ancestors have been doing since the dawn of mankind.

Fucking like our lives depend on it.

Amen.

-ST