That’s right bitches! Your Tiger pal is in Holland, relaxing to the maximum at his sister’s place in Bergen, 40 mins outside Amsterdam where it’s a balmy 6 degrees at present.
I know what you’re all thinking right now and I’m just gonna stop you dead in your tracks and say no. I’m not planning on visiting any coffee shops during my stay.
This isn’t my first time in Holland, I’ve done this twice before and both times I did the touristy let’s-see-how-many-different-strains-of-marijuana-we-can-smoke thing and holy balls, it did not end well.
I’m older now, more mature and to be perfectly frank, not keen to spend the better part of a day hiding under the table in a random coffee shop because the parries has eroded my self-confidence to the point where even the simple act of standing up and leaving the room fills me with mortal terror.
So I’m taking it super easy breezy. As you read this I want you to picture me in my PJs with a hot cuppa java, sitting in my nephew’s room literally surrounded by screens (5 to be exact) and about to engage in a serious Black Ops marathon.
I need to brush up on that shit yo. My nephews (who are 8 and 14) and I have been playing on the Playstation Network, which has been pretty humiliating to say the least.
My average game goes as follows:
Slick’s Interior Monologue (SIM): BOOM! Game on, bitches! Ok… KILL THESE GUYS! Oh wait, they’re on my team… They look like they know shit, I’m going to follow th-
DEAD
SIM: Woah, what the fuck?! Who did that?! Oh wait, back in the game, bit-
DEAD
SIM: Come the fuck on! Ok, enough fucking around, next asshole I see gets a lead salad in his FACE! I’m just gonna run up these stairs and do a little camping… this shit’s foolproof… come to papa… any minute now… THERE! THAT GUY! DIE MOTHE-
DEAD
SIM: HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?! I WAS SHOOTING RIGHT AT HIM! I SWEAR TO GOD THESE GUYS ARE-
DEAD
SIM: Ok, this is getting a little-
DEAD
Slick to Nephew 1: Who are these people, man?! They’re handing our ASSES to us!
Nephew 1: I know, I’ve only got 5 kills so far.
Slick: What?! How is that humanly poss-
Nephew 1: Six kills. Haha! Caught a guy camping, what a jerk.
Slick: Yeah… I hate it when they do tha-
DEAD
Slick: OH COME ON! I WASN’T EVEN WATCHING THAT TIME! I’m done man. I’m out. These guys are pros. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re actually seen action in real life.
Nephew 1: I doubt it. A few are playing with headphones and I’m pretty sure the person who just killed you is either a girl or a kid who’s voice hasn’t broken yet.
Slick: FML.
So if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to immerse myself in a whole lot of (hopefully) killing for the rest of today, so yeah.
Have fun at work 
-ST
