Posts Tagged ‘mtn gladiators

03
Aug
12

Okes Who Like To Klap It #19: 4-Man Kanoe Charnas

By SlickTiger 6 Comments
Categories: Klapping It
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

1461337646 Flippin’ HELL, lemme tell you something about our Sefrican Olympics ous, they are KLAPPING IT on a whole other flippin LEVEL this year hey?!

Not since Rhino flippin moered that oke in THE GAUNTLET in season two episode five of MTN Gladiators have a sporting event ever been so flippin’ BUFF!

And then came yesterday’s 4-man kanoe Olympic challenge and all the ous in the gym were like, turn off the music, put up the TV sound and I was like are you flipppin’ stupid?! How I am supposed to stay PUMPED and KLAP my 90 kilo DUMBELL PRESS without that schweet KATY PERRY remix?!?!

But lemme tell you, it only got worser from there. After I gooied my weights in STEROID RAGE, I walked over to the TV to tear it off the flippin wall and break it on a oke’s HEAD and saw the flippin’ DUMBEST KAK IVE EVER SAW!

There was a whole buncha ous in these flippin’ gay yellow 4-man kanoes facing the WRONG FLIPPIN WAY and trying to row them with only ONE FLIPPIN’ PADDLE EACH!

 

 

Okes, I nearly kakked myself laughing. What a bunch of CHOPHEADS.

So anyways, I definitely decided to watch the 4-man backwards kanoe challenge cause when the okes bashed into each other we could all have a lag and go back to the important job of KLAPPING GYM, BOET.

But jassis. They started the challenge and the ous started klapping it faster than Spider up THE WALL in Gladiators season three episode one.

And okes, lemme tell you, straighter 4-man kanoe racing you WILL NEVER SEE. Not even the moffies in their yellow kanoes bashed into the other okes they were like flippin robots how perfectly in time they road!

Then I checked this one oke at the front, I mean the back, I mean the front of the back of the kanoe with the flippin’ BUFFEST TAN of any oke in that race and I knew that 4-man kanoe team were gonna take the gold.

 

 

“That 4-man kanoe team are gonna take the gold,” I chooned the other ous in the gym, straight and this doos was like, ja that would be kief cause they Sefricans, but oke it’s the last 500m and they coming forth.

Well, lemme tell you, that oke’s face wasn’t very good at stopping a 15 kilo DUMBELL PUNCH so ja… he’s in hospital now.

Flippin DOOS deserved it because I was right! That ou with the BUFF TAN and his kanoe buddies KLAPPED THE SHIT outta the other ous in their moffie-yellow kanoes!

The ous in the gym went mad! I never saw Sefricans so proud! I mean flip, even I got so excited I let out a protein baff that put ANOTHER OU in hospital!

 

 

At this rate Sefrica is gonna be the best at the Olympics it’s been in 100 years some oke told me, which I obviously knew was kak because MTN Gladiators only stopped in 2001 which was when they invented Olympics instead, maybe the ou meant 10 years but said it with two 0s by misteak.

I do that sometimes.

Anyway, Sefricans keep KLAPPING IT ma boychays and belters! We’ve all of us never been prouder.

-ST

30
Jul
12

Okes Who Like To Klap It #17: Cameron Van Der Burgh

By SlickTiger 3 Comments
Categories: Klapping It
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Cameron-van-der-Burgh-08Charnas, ask any flippin oke with half a brain and he’ll tell you straight that when it comes to the most prestigious athletic event in the world, nothing, and I mean NOTHING can beat MTN GLADIATORS!

Lemme tell you, those flippin okes trains sometimes up to five times A WEEK and is capable of taking huge levels of STEROIDS that would kill a normal ou in three seconds.

But of course, as history tells us, back in 1998 the DOOSES in TV land decided to cancel MTN GLADIATORS the first time and charnas were like "What the flip are we gonna watch now?!" And so the TV land dooses invented the Olympics, which are ok, but KAK in comparison to MTN GLADIATORS.

So anyway, I was trying to find the weightlifting ous yesterday when the next thing I knowed there was all these flippin skinny okes in SPEEDOS splashing around like a buncha moffies in the pool and I was like "What the KAK is this?! Not one of these ous knows how to KLAP IT!"

 

 

The reason of course was because none of the ous were SEFRICANS. When eventually a Sefrican ou stood up on his box to jump in the water, I took one look at the pecs on that charna and was like, "Jis-LAAIK! THAT boychay is the buffest IN THE LAND!"

I mean, he was no GRANITE, or WILDEBEEST or even SAHARA (BELTER!), but ja. He was ok. He looked like a nice ou, the kind I wouldn’t mind klapping a few brandy-cokes with and then hugging later.

But anyway, after that I watched this BUFF CHARNA tear through the water like a flippin WATER MISSILE, destroying the other ous in a embarrassing display of flippin’ UNSTOPABLE POWER!

This charna (who has the name of CAMERON VAN DER BURGH) was klapping it so fast that he even swimmed past the YELLOW RECORD LINE, which means he not only came first, but also breaked the flippin’ Olympic record AT THE SAME TIME!

 

 

A ou like that, lemme tell you, is right now as I right this, belting AT LEAST THREE blonde Olympic belters AT THE SAME TIME in the secret Olympic SEX CAMP they have to breed super athletes so that they can bring back MTN GLADIATORS!

Cameron, charna, thank you for klapping that race yesterday boet, you made us proud SEFRICANS that not only can a fellow SEFRICAN KLAP IT ON THAT LEVEL, but also that soon there will be a new breed of athletes that will make the X-MEN look like a buncha hipster moffies who never lifted a weight in their life.

And Cameron, one last thing, if you could please belt a chick who can run very fast that would be schweet. Then that kid will be able to run very fast UNDERWATER, which will be a essential skill in the new version of MTN GLADIATORS I’m thinking of…

Anyway, Cameron you legend, all there is left to say is YOU KLAPPED IT BOET!

Well flippin done!

-ST