Posts Tagged ‘massive and ripped

06
Jun
13

Okes Who Like To Klap It #22: TOOTHSTA YO YO YO!

By SlickTiger 7 Comments
Categories: Klapping It
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

9368_492347934167522_1313669089_nOkes, lemme tell you that I flippin flippin flippin LOVE the interwebs. Just when you think you’ve seen every kind of MASSIVE AND RIPPED charna, the interwebs shows you another MASSIVER AND MORE RIPPED CHARNA!

The oke I’m about to interduce you to is KLAPPING IT on a level that I never knowed possible. I think you know already the ou I’m talking about, none other than the flippin SHREDDED MACHINE, TOOTHSTA!

I learned of this flippin BOYCHAY through a ou who twittered me a link to the Toothsta Vleisbook page and I was like, “Schweet. Whatever. A buff charna. Whatever. I make shits bigger than this ou.”

But then I took a deeper look and what I saw were an oke who inbodied the guide what I wrote about KLAPPING GYM in every flippin way!

You ous remember that one hey? Remember the point about your charnas and how you are NOTHING in a gym situation, or even a life situation, without your charnas? Flip oke, you don’t need to tell Toothsta kak like that, check out him and his mates:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Another thing from the guide that this ou knows all about is how to klap so much protein and supplerments that his protein baffs can literally kill a ou from 20 paces.

You want to tell this charna about nutritional foods to klap for breakfast? Are you flippin joking?!

Check out this ou’s breakfast – OFF. THE. CHAIN.

 

 

So ja, I saw that and were lank impressed, but then I saw the ou’s flippin LUNCH and I nearly BAILED off my flippin’ CHAIR!

 

 

I knowed there were something missing from my flippin gym diet of 3 whey protein shake, Jack 3D, crehatine, 6 tins of tuna a day, 10 egg whites, two bags of biltong (500g), 10 chicken breasts, 2 steakes for supper and dangerous ANABOLIC STEROIDS IN MY ARSE for desert – it was actual flippin’ ROCKS!

I’ve just inboxed Toothsta to find out what kind of rocks those are, I’ll post a follow up to let you ous know and find out if you have to buy them from a shop or if you can just steal them off a mountain or some kak like that.

The other thing about this ou that I seriously admire are his indepth knowlege about BELTERS and how flippin USELESS AND LAZY they are.

 

 

I mean if that isn’t KLAPPING THE NAIL ON THE HEAD then I dunno what flippin is! Fucking hippos, I mean honestly boet…

So anyway, if you’re seriously into KLAPPING IT, LOOKING TIT and becoming a SHREDDED MACHINE then here are a link to this ou’s Facebook page, click it, like this ou and thank me later.

Oh and also, by the way, did you know this ou are going to be in the SA version of Jersey Shores?

Check THIS shit out, yo yo yo!

 

 

I rest my case. If you not KLAPPING IT, you ‘MIRIN BOET!

Toothsta, you my flippin HERO you LEGEND! Please don’t forget to inbox me back and let me know about those rocks, ok boet?

Schweet.

-ST

02
Nov
12

SlickTiger Has Got The Balls To KLAP The daREDevil Race Boet!

By SlickTiger 7 Comments
Categories: Klapping It
Tags: , , , , , , ,

IMG_2179-500x0Okes, lemme just tell you one thing straight that are flippin’ important so switch VLEISBOEK and Twitters off for a minute and listen up!

When OKES was crehated, the genius ou what did it was like, “Yussus! This thing what I have crehated is pretty flippin schweet but ja… something’s not quite right…”

And that ou were right. Something was not quite right. And then the ou realised that this crehation of his, even though it was lank kief, was missing a flippin’ VITAL ingredient when it came to KLAPPING IT and looking flippin’ TIT – BALLS!

The SECOND the crehater guy put the balls on, his crehation came to life and INSTANTLY pumped out FIFTY one-arm pushups and then banged two blonde belters without even breaking a sweat ma charn!

That ou, I like to call him OU1, was the original KLAP GYM BOYCHIE, a picture of him what I have found below, and with the help of not only two, but like flippin’ HUNDREDS of blonde belters, he crehated our entire SPIESIES and gave every ou the magical power of BALLS!

 

 

Think about your balls oke! When times are tough and you got no friends because the roids make you keeping wanting to kill the ous because they are always borrowing your spray tan and finishing it, what have you got left?

YOUR BALLS!

When you’re approaching a GODDESS at Avastar Nightclub with a flippin schweet cocktail because you know THE TRICK and she kicks you in the GROIN for asking her and her blonde belter friend if they wanna come back to your place and BANG, what hurts so flippin much you think you’re dying?

YOUR BALLS!

 

 

And ous, when you’re bored in the gym after your fifth set of 220kilo deadlift and you need something to fiddle with while you think of the next set to KLAP what do you always reach for?

YOUR BALLS!

Your balls okes, are LANK IMPORTANT. And this is why I’m wearing nothing but a bright red speedo that makes me look TIT and running with a buncha sweaty, BUFF CHARNAS through the city in Cape Town today as part of the daREDevil Race.

The ous what organise it do it because they flippin’ LOVE men’s balls so much and realise the power they give a oke to KLAP IT and look flippin’ TIT!

 

 

The ous also flippin LOVE your prostrate BOET! And unlike this one time when I was competing in a WHO’S THE MASSIVEST competition and a other oke was like “Jassis Slicky-T! Are you feeling ok boet? Your prostrates flippin huge man!” and I was like, “Um, ja I feel ok hey?” and he was like, “No boet. I’ve got some KY jelly, come to my changeroom oke, lemme just give you a quick test” and I was like “Shot boet!” and then… ja… and then… umm… nevermind…

But ja, like I was saying – unlike that time, these days you can just get your prostrates checked by a simple prick of a needle ma boedie! How schweet is that?!

So here’s the important bit okes. Because I’ve been klapping it so hard this week I’ve left this to the last minutes, but if you have too, it’s all schweet boet, you can register here and be a part of TEAM TIGER:

https://www.quicket.co.za/events/832-2012-daredevil-run/?ie=056c/1AtbFFJ3VMOf9mDCg==

Run the daREDevil Race 2012 with the BUFFEST OKE IN THE LAND and let’s KLAP CANCER right in the flippin’ BALLS, BOET!

See you BUFF CHARNAS there!

-ST

03
Oct
12

Calling All BUFF CHARNAS And SERIOUS BELTERS

By SlickTiger 12 Comments
Categories: Being Slick, Killer Posts and Klapping It
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

70652881LwHvct_phMa charnas, I have to just say that yesterday’s post where I showed you ous how the Champions League Twenty20 Cricket flippin STOLE MY SHIT has gone MASSIVELY virile.

That was the biggest numbers this site has ever done in one day and not one ou, NOT ONE, had a bad thing to say about it because ja. The ous STOLE MY SHIT! Flippin THIEFS!

KLAPPING IT is a INSTITUTION! It’s a flippin RELIGION to ous (WOLFPACK! You BUFF CHARNAS know what I’m talking about). So after gym last night I did a bit of a photo shoot of myself and my flippin BELTER girlfriend so the Twenty20 ous can see what KLAPPING IT is all about.

Check these flippin HIGH QUALITY shots we took in our home studio.

 

 

Here’s another one in case the white pant cricket moffies didn’t get the message the first time round:

 

 

And just to rub home my point:

 

 

After that I had A THOUGHT, which was unusual for me so you better flippin listen carefully.

I know for a FACT that literally millions of MASSIVE AND RIPPED BUFF CHARNAS and SERIOUS BELTERS read this site about ten times A DAY because this site lets me spy on them.

So why don’t you flippin MONSTER okes and BELTER chicks send me your sexy pics that show how you like to KLAP IT to tellthetiger@gmail.com and I’ll IMMEDIATELY put YOU on my site.

It’s time to show those flippin banana eating cricket moffies once AND FOR ALL what KLAPPING IT actually means so that never again will ADVERTISING RATS steal from a interweb oke and think they can get away with it.

-ST

01
Aug
11

Okes Who Like To KLAP IT #4 – Wolfpack RFC Vs Durbanville 5

By SlickTiger Leave a Comment
Categories: Klapping It
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Wolfpack1Jassis ma charnas, but did I watch a HELLUVA flippin’ TIGHT rukby games on Saturday! It was just laaik that flippin’ movie ROCKY 1 when that MASSIVE AND RIPPED oke does all the one-arm pushups and then MOERS the meat in the freezer, only this time the BUFF CHARNA was WOLFPACK RFC and the meat in the freezer was Durbanville 5.

It was a game full of surprises, the first one being the fact that the flippin Durbanville 5 team kept flippin’ SCORING TRIES against the MONSTER OKES in the Wolfpack!

I could hardly believe my eyes and did at one stage think I’d klapped too many brandy and coke specials (R30 for two doubles and coke, are you FLIPPIN’ SERIOUS?!), especially when we got to nearly the end of the game and the Durbanville 5 okes were leading 25 – 20.

 

 

But you gotta say one thing about the BUFF CHARNAS in the Wolfpack RFC, not only are they FLIPPIN MASSIVE AND RIPPED, but flip ma boychay, they got a lotta heart and just like that movie with the metal oke from the future who comes back to the past and gets blown up and shot and run over with a truck and MOERED STUKKEND, when they decide they want to kill a oke, NOTHING can stop them.

In the last 5 MINUTES the Wolfpack RFC okes scored a try and converted themselves straight into victory. Okes couldn’t believe it. The Durbanville 5 charnas looked BROKEN while the Wolfpack fans punched the air and made the Wolfpack howl.

Even I cried a bit. Mostly because the brandy special ended, but also because I was happy for the BUFF CHARNAS of the Wolfpack.

But lemme tell you – the flippin GOOD TIMES were only starting. After the game we rode the party bus for about two hours all around Cape Town while the Wolfpack okes had a DAK fines meeting.

 

 

Okes were fined for everything! Dropped the ball you CHOP! FINE! Didn’t MOER a oke STUKKEND! FINE! Didn’t obey the BUFFALO rule (flip boet, are you STUPID?!) FINE!

 

 

And the okes who did the DUMBEST SHIT got the SUPER FINE – BOOZE IN A SHOE!

 

 

All in all, it was a flippin’ EMOTIONAL day. There were pushups, BUFF CHARNAS, 15 cases of beer and even a blonde belter! But just the one, next time I expect there to be at least 10! What are we? Durbanville 5?

So with the end of the season coming up, the Wolfpack RFC boychies are looking BUFF as ever and it wouldn’t surprise me if they win the entire LEAGUE and, like the metal oke from that movie, go back in time and MOER THEM ALL A SECOND TIME!

KLAP IT BOYCHIES!

-ST

15
Mar
11

Okes Who Like To KLAP IT #1

By SlickTiger Leave a Comment
Categories: Being Slick, Good Times and Killer Posts
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

There’s nothing flippin’ more lekker than getting together with a bunch of okes who are MASSIVE AND RIPPED and MOERING other okes stukkend! When a oke can do this with his chommies he feels a POWERFUL sense of comrahderie because he’s one of the MANNE and no other oke can mess with him!

On Saturday I watched the tightest group of chommies I’ve seen in flippin’ AGES run up and down a field and MOER the flippin’ SHIT out of these other okes who weren’t that tight and probably could have used another 4 sessions a week in the gym, KLAPPING IT, instead of sitting around on their arses being flippin’ USELESS.

 

 

The group of chommies I’m talking about here call themselves WOLFPACK RFC and jislaaik, these guys are a buncha TUFF OUS! Saturday was their first rukby game against some moffie team who I forgot the name of and charnas, all I can say is the moffie ous lost something like 40 – 11 and it was embarrassing how kak they were.

 

 

But the thing that showed me that these okes were TIGHT, as TIGHT as okes can be was after the game they had a lekker huddle and howled like real life WOLFS and then KLAPPED PUSHUPS BOET! Lekker FAST AND HARD right there on the field!

Then after the pushups the okes jumped into an INFLATIBLE POOL and had a lekker jol together hugging each other and showing their flippin MASSIVE AND RIPPED muscles to the belters that were running around, unable to control themselves cause the okes were MONSTERS!

 

 

After that many, many cold beers were klapped and tales told of the EPIC game that was WOLFPACK RFC’s first ever rukby match and all I can say okes is well flippin’ done guys, at this rate you will KILL pretty much any team that is flippin’ dumb enough to think they can TOUCH YOU.

Keep on klapping!

-ST

18
May
10

The SlickTiger Guide To Klapping Gym Boet Part 2: Know Your Blonde Belter

By SlickTiger 34 Comments
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Hazit ma boychies!

Flip okes, but the response to my last piece about KLAPPING GYM BOET was off the flippin’ chain! I’m seriously CHUFFED that so many charnas out there care so much about getting TANNED, MASSIVE and RIPPED, WEARING TIGHT VESTS and LOOKING TIT (thanks Gary)!

The next question charnas seems to be asking now is how do you know a chick and her mate are BELTERS? What if you think a chick’s a BELTER and you BANG her and her friend only to wake up the next day once the roids have worn off to find you banged a couple of GROT OTTERS by mistake?

Another charna who is MASSIVE and RIPPED sent in this pic, asking, ‘Haai Slick! I banged this chick and her friend from the gym after getting MASSIVE and RIPPED, are they belters or what charna!’

 

 

All I can say to a question like that is flip oke, ARE YOU STUPID? What the hell were you THINKING?!

These are the unhealthiest chicks I have EVER SEEN! Did they die from malnutritionment after you were finished BANGING them? They’re WASTING AWAY oke! The one’s not even blonde enough and needs to PULL UP HER FLIPPIN PANTS and KLAP SOME GYM BOET!

When I said blonde belters, I meant BLONDE BELTERS charna! Now if you’d banged THESE two chicks, THEN I’d be IMPRESSED ma boych!

 

 

Of course now a lot of you will look at these BELTERS and notice that ja, something’s not quite right with the chick on the right. OF COURSE SOMETHING’S NOT QUITE RIGHT WITH THAT CHICK! SHE HAS NO TAN!

HERE’S a much better example of how a healthy tan can turn an ordinary chick into a BELTER:

 

 

And so, here are a few tips for all the MASSIVE and RIPPED charnas out there about the right kind of things to look for in a BELTER.

 

THING NO. 1 TO LOOK FOR IN A BELTER: LADYLIKE

I can tell you right now that being a oke who is MASSIVE and RIPPED myself, I often hang around with chicks that yes, are BELTERS, BUT just don’t know how to act like ladies instead of GORILLAS.

These GROT OTTERS think it’s lekker to do things like SMOKE, SWEAR, EAT CARBS or only do gym six times a week. They also think it’s kief to just say whatever the hell THEY WANT without first asking a man’s PERMISSION – NOT ACCEPTABLE!

OKES, this is not LADYLIKE BEHAVIOUR. If a blonde chick or her blonde chick friend try any of this, choon them straight, ‘Hey GROT OTTER! Stop acting like a flippin’ TRAILER PARK TRASH! You aren’t BRITTANY SPIERS!’

A chick must be ladylike at all times or THAT’S IT! Tell her to HIT THE ROAD CHICK. Here’s a ladylike chick to show you what I mean:

 

 

THING NO. 2 TO LOOK FOR IN A BELTER: NAUGHTY

Okes, please don’t think that just because a chick is LADYLIKE in public, she can’t have a bit of a naughty or fun side as well behind a closed doors. No charna wants a chick and her blonde belter friend in the bedroom who aren’t a bit wild or don’t know their way around a tube of KY Jelly, a traffic cone and a car battery with lekker nipple-clamps.

Check this chick out. She was an ex of mine. Jealous yet? Ja, EXACTLY!

 

 

There is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with a chick like that okes, NOTHING. So why did we break up? Ja, it’s a bit of a sensitive topic hey… I dunno… life just took us in separate directions. I mean, I’m not saying that I caught her KLAPPING GYM behind my back or using my credit card to have KAKLOADS OF EXPENSIVE SURGERY or anything, so ja…

BUT, THE NEXT DAY I found pictures on the interweb of an even NAUGHTIER BELTER, Chrissie, and let’s just say that she had the pleasure of some SlickTiger boerrie with cheese sauce THAT night 😉

 

 

THING NO 3. TO LOOK FOR IN A BELTER: OUTDOORS TYPE

A BELTER must also like the outdoors life of tanning for 7 hours straight, jetskis, H2O parties, doof doof music and klapping gym IN THE GARDEN.

Don’t believe me that such amazing BELTERS exist? Boet, open your EYES charna! They’re ALL OVER the interweb!

 

 

 

What’s also nice is when they do outdoor activities like WASH MY CAR. Here’s another ex-cherry of mine, in a lekker bikini doing a practise run of WASHING MY CAR. Always make them PRACTISE FIRST or they’ll probably BREAK the car.

 

 

THING NO. 4 TO LOOK FOR IN A BELTER: A WINNING ATTITUDE

Now okes, this is an important one so don’t stuff this one up. Too many of my charnas get with girls who NEVER STOP COMPLAINING when us gym boychies leave self-tan on the couch, make huge PROTEIN BAFFS, or shoot so many steroids our chelogers go INSIDE US.

To all those okes stuck in kak relationships like that out there, I have only one thing to say: DUMP THOSE LOSER GROT OTTERS AND FIND A CHICK WITH THE RIGHT ATTITUDE!

THIS chick, for example, you can tell has a GREAT attitude.

 

 

So charnas, stop settling for second-rate chicks, you’re MASSIVE and RIPPED now! You look TIT oke! Flippin’ go in for the big time and bang two flippin HOT blonde belters now that you know what to look for!

Also, if you’d like to send pictures or videos as proof that’s also fine. I’ve still got plenty of pink heart stickers left, so DON’T BE SHY, send me some lekker pics and always remember: KLAP IT BOET!

Until next time ma boychies!

-ST