A hypothetical question if you will:
Your girlfriend strips down to her panties and runs into the sea with a whole bunch of her friends (also all girls) sometime around midnight after a night of excessive revelry – what do you do?
The answer here is a pretty simple one if you’re a SlickTiger. If you’re a SlickTiger you stand back, admire the view, carry on drinking your beer at a leisurely pace and get your jacket ready for your lady once she’s finished having a dip.
However, if you’ve been smashing tequila all night and are feeling a particularly strong surge of testosterone in your blood, which manifests itself in a ridiculously overprotective bout of male egotism, the LAST thing you do is stand by while your girlfriend scampers off half naked into the ocean.
This is when SlickRetard takes over. SlickRetard doesn’t even hesitate when his girlfriend starts running carefree down the beach, stripping off as she goes. SlickRetard vaults over the edge of the lifesaving club wall, strips down to his undies and sprints after his girlfriend like some wild-eyed lunatic.
Then, when SlickRetard finally catches up to her, he uses his body like a protective shield, wrapping it around his girlfriend and protecting her dignity from the perverted eyes of the naked group of men that sprang up out of fucking nowhere the second a boob became visible and charged toward the sea.
I guess at that stage, things could have turned out alright if SlickRetard had maybe not stripped his clothes off so close to the goddamn sea, because while he was desperately clutching his girlfriend, wave after wave was lapping up the shore, soaking his shorts inside which were his wallet, car keys and of course, cell phone.
Miraculously, even though the flippy key for my car didn’t so much flip open, but rather awkwardly grinded halfway into the erect position due to all the sand in there, it somehow still unlocked and immobilised the car, so we could at least go home to dry off, but I tell ya, the car ride back here WASN’T a happy one.
Why is it that the male ego always chooses the most retarded of times to raise it’s fucking ugly head? I should have just let her go. I learned my lesson. It cost me a cell phone, but I learned it.
Bottom line is if you’re THAT insecure about your girl gettin a little naked and running into the sea with her friends, then you’re being a fucking retard.
-ST
