Posts Tagged ‘eating brains

15
Sep
11

Struggling to Get Fit? Outrun A Zombie!

Photoshop_Jogging_018789_Jogging is shit. No one really wants to put on their little jogging shorts and lace up their R800 jogging shoes and venture out into the world for a jog and anyone that says otherwise is clearly delusional.

Jogging, experts will tell you, was invented to help humans run the fuck away from things that were trying to eat us. It served a clear purpose thousands of years ago but nowadays, unless you’re trying to outrun the police, jogging is a bit naf.

BUT, there’s a new iPhone / iPod Touch / Android app that’s going to change all that. To put it simply, it’s a game you play by running… AWAY FROM FUCKING FLESH EATING ZOMBIES!

That’s right folks, early next year you’ll be able to hit this link and download Zombies, Run! They’re calling it an “ultra-immersive” running game which plays out in your headphones while you’re running.

 

 

The further you go, the more objectives you achieve and the more stuff you collect. Then, when you’re back home you can decide what to do with all your booty as you assign various items you collect (medicine, ammo, batteries, etc.) to different people and parts of your growing base.

You can choose custom playlists to listen to while you’re running and learn more about the “deeper mystery” of the Zombies, Run! world.

The only thing they don’t touch on is what happens if you don’t run fast enough. You can apparently hear zombies at certain points in your run, but do they ever catch up to you? What does zombies eating your brains sound like?

We’ll have to wait for the app to launch to have those burning questions answered, but in the meantime you better hit that treadmill like your life depends on it because jogging is going back to its roots – trying to outrun shit that wants to eat you.

So. Bad. Ass.

-ST

08
Sep
11

SlickTiger Learns the Fine Art Of Bashing Zombies Into Parked Cars

4a122b1d01e3a3f5dcae480f078cbb47You could do a pretty interesting study on why so many people in our generation have a total fixation on zombies.

For me, there’s just something about the entire system grinding to a complete halt that kinda appeals to me. No more mundane routines, no more work pressures, none of that fabricated bullshit would matter anymore.

Of course, you’d live every moment in blood-curdling fear and probably have to do some pretty unspeakable shit to stay alive, but as long as you’d done your homework, watched every zombie movie known to man and played games like Zombie Highway, you’d definitely survive at least a week or two.

See, Zombie Highway (available for free on iPads from the iTunes ap store) is an entire game based on those classic scenes from movies where the bad guy is clinging to the car and the good guy is bashing the car against all manner of shit to get him / it off.

The gameplay is dead simple (yes, I just did that). You drive down a long, straight highway while zombies jump out of nowhere and cling onto the side of your car.

 

 

When this happens you can either slam the zombies against conveniently-placed barricaded cars or feed the basterds some lead salad by touching circles on either side of your car which turn red when a zombie grabs onto the car.

The downside of just shooting them of course is you very quickly run out of ammo and then you’re completely fucked. Before you know it, your car will be flush with zombies and when that happens they start rocking your car until it tips and then it’s warm brains all round.

 

 

As you get further along the highway and destroy more zombies, you unlock more weapons, levels and cars. The zombies also get stronger and regenerate health which is a total bitch once your ammo runs dry.

It all sounds pretty mundane, but trust me, you can easily sink three hours into this game without even breaking a sweat.

Bashing zombies into shit is possibly one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done in a game, and for that reason I’m stopping this post right now.

It’s cutting into my zombie-bashing time.

TOTAL TIME WASTED: At least 8 hours and counting… 
TOTAL ENJOYMENT LEVEL: 85%
FINAL VERDICT: If you own an iPad or iPad2, there’s no conceivable reason why you shouldn’t download this game. It’s smaller than 20MB, doesn’t cost a cent and is awesome. Case closed.

-ST