Posts Tagged ‘bergie

26
Jul
11

The Amy Winehouse Post

By SlickTiger 4 Comments
Categories: Killer Posts
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Amy Winehouse Nice Photos 3Throughout most of her life, I wished Amy Winehouse would just hurry up and die already. For nearly three years she dominated local and international tabloids, every image of her somehow looking worse than the last.

It was like one of those wildlife documentaries where the film makers follow some poor, sick animal that’s dying in the wild and instead of helping it, they just film it getting weaker and weaker until it croaks.

It was clear to me that there was absolutely no hope for her. Her life degenerated to the point where all she seemed capable of doing was getting totally wasted and babbling incoherently like a bergie on a tik binge.

Was I surprised that she died on the weekend? Not in the slightest. I don’t think anyone was, in fact I think people were a lot more focussed on the tragedy that happened in Norway and rightly so.

But her death did make me stop and think about her for a minute, which was all it took to make me realise that I have no idea who Amy Winehouse was.

I honestly can’t remember ever seeing any proper interviews with her or ever hearing her speak when she wasn’t clearly off her face so I did a little digging online and found some early interviews with her and a couple of pictures of her before she got stuck into the drugs and the person I found couldn’t have been more different from the monster the media portrayed her to be.

 

 

Amy Winehouse had a wicked sense of humour and she was as feisty as they come. She had a gorgeous voice and was a truly talented performer and songwriter and back before she got strung out on crack she was a seriously beautiful woman.

I also realised that we’re the same age, give or take about a month, which kinda brought her death and life into focus for me because what the hell have I achieved at 27? How many Brit Awards have I won? How many Grammys? How many MTV VMAs?

 

 

I’d like to remember her as the person I met today. Not the fiend she became. We take for granted how easy it is for celebrities to fall into drugs and how fucking difficult it is to get out of that dark, dark hole.

So RIP Amy, wherever you might be, and thank you for the music, may it live on for longer than your brief stop-over on this crazy, beautiful, fucked up world.

 

 

-ST

25
May
11

Awesome Stray Cat Recipe

By SlickTiger 12 Comments
Categories: Killer Posts and Tiger Guides
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

So yeah.

As you may have read in my posts here and here, J-Rab and I are struggling a bit at the moment to make ends meet.

It’s sad really, when I consider how much I fucking hate poor people, that I ironically seem to have become one.

There was a time when I couldn’t decide whether to blow my extra cash on extravagant trips overseas to exotic locales or invest it in prime beach-front real estate, it was a tough call and really used to stress me out.

 

 

Well, I’m glad to say that those stressful days are over. Now I scrape every cent I have together to just try make rent every month and beg the rest from kind people at the intersection of Roeland and Buitenkant.

However, you’ll be pleased to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel now that I have discovered one of the best kept secrets in affordable cuisine – stray cats!

The idea came to me when I stumbled on the vacant lot behind the Waterfront R10 parking one evening, right as the animal rescue people arrived to feed the literally thousands of stray cats that live there.

 

 

Naturally I begged to be fed some of the delicious cat food as well, not because I’m turning into a fokken prawn, but rather because it sure as hell beats eating YOUR week-old garbage.

The animal shelter people turned their noses up in disgust when I approached them and refused to make eye contact when I humbly asked for some delicious, crunchy dry cat food to get me through the night.

It was a new low for me and for a moment I hated those lucky stray cats, but the moment soon passed because like me, they were loveable in a mangy sort of way and they smelled delicious!

I lured one of them back to my flat with a brick and a plastic bag I fished out of a dumpster and got to work preparing this awesome, cost-effective meal:

 

Stray cat and lentil soup

 

 

Ingredients:

1 x Stray cat (tabbies work best, but failing that a nice ginger cat will do. For God’s sake DON’T go for a Siamese, they have a very low meat:bone ratio)
1 x Chicken stock cube
1 x Bag of red lentils
50g shredded ginger
1 x lemon (squeezed)
1 x bottle of Old Brown’s Sherry

Method:

Dice cat-meat into small cubes and soak in half a bottle of Old Brown’s Sherry to disinfect and flavour it while you drink the other half of the bottle to keep warm.

Boil up a pot of water, add the lentils and chicken stock cube and allow it to simmer for 40 mins. Add the cat meat right after along with the ginger and juice from the lemon and allow to simmer for as long as your relentless hunger will allow.

Ladle the soup into a tin bowl and slurp it down, making sure to dribble some into your matted beard for a snack later.

Et voila!

A word of warning though, I got first dibs on the cats behind the Waterfront. If I catch any of you greasy basterds down there helping yourselves to my stash, so help me God, I’ll jab a rusty screwdriver in you faster than you can shout “Help! A bergie’s trying to kill me!”

 

 

Ain’t life peachy.

-ST