In keeping with this week’s theme on the site, namely posting random, disturbing internet videos so I can get away with doing very little actual writing, allow me to present to you “Scientifically Accurate Spider-Manâ€.
I’m pretty sure I’ll never be able to look at Spider-Man the same way again after having watched this. Turns out spiders are weird little assholes who we should definitely not model our superheroes after.
Still though, I’d pay good money to watch a scientifically accurate Spider-Man movie. It would probably be much like watching The Fly (anyone ever see that? Wow it was fucked up…) and Toby Maguire would be PERFECT for it!
Anyway. With no further ado. Here is “Scientifically Accurate Spider-Manâ€:
Is there anything more intimate than a kiss? Is there any feeling more thrilling than touching your lips to the other person’s, sliding your tongue into their mouth, running it over their teeth and dislodging the spinach that’s been bugging you for the last hour?
Being able to kiss well is something any hot-blooded woman will tell you is a must for stoking up the fires of her passion.
So what I’m gonna do is show you guys two videos. The first is a guide that shows what NOT to ever do if you are kissing a woman (girls, you could also probably learn from this about how NOT to kiss a guy).
Then the second is an instructional video that will help you be the best kisser the world has ever known or your money back!
Watch closely now, here is the first video about what to never do when kissing:
Can you believe what you have just seen? I know right?! That guy has the most incredible voice I have ever heard in my life!
But guys, as you will have seen in that video, having a killer voice and a slim, athletic physique is no help when it comes to landing the perfect kiss.
Although I’m not even really sure you can call that kissing… it’s more like watching a bird feed its young…
But anyway, don’t despair! If you are struggling to figure out how to kiss properly, just watch the following video and your kissing troubles will be a thing of the past!
Did you guys all get that? If not, feel free to watch that video time and time again and don’t forget to practice with those lolly pops and ice creams!
I hope you guys have found the videos above insightful and informative. If you guys have any questions about the videos above, please feel free to leave comments in the comments section below and remember, you don’t have to supply your real name if you’re feeling shy.
Have a super day everyone! If anyone needs me I’ll be curled up in a ball rocking backwards and forwards in the corner of the room.
First off, thank you all for the positive vibes you sent after yesterday’s post where I announced that I’m going to be a dad. It means a lot to both J-Rab and I, you guys rock.
Secondly, I just wanted to set something straight in case there are a few of you who might have instantly decided to never read this site again in fear of me becoming a “daddy bloggerâ€.
While I am blown away at the thought of being a dad and will definitely write about fatherhood from time to time, I still intend to use this site as I always have, namely as a place where I can hang out on the interwebs and be weird.
At heart I guess I’m a lot more private than a lot of other bloggers who bang away at it every day and the same way I don’t use the site to document the intimate details of my relationship with J-Rab, I don’t see myself using it as a platform to show my girl-child off to the world.
If it gets to that point, I’m relying on you guys to set me straight. If every post is about my kid I want you guys to shoot me. Don’t kill me, aim somewhere non-lethal like the shoulder or the head, but definitely shoot me.
As a show of good faith, here’s a badass video I found yesterday featuring possibly the world’s best narrator (with the world’s largest hands) labouring a point in an extremely colourful and energetic manner indeed (huge props to @BrettRexB for unearthing this classic piece of interwebs awesome):
So don’t worry guys, yes your Tiger pal is going to be a dad in August, but no it won’t affect this old junkyard spaceship I call a blog site.
There is a lot wrong with the world at the moment. Initially I wanted this post to be about the Oscar Pistorius / Reeva Steenkamp tragedy by I think it’s getting enough press at the moment.
Instead, in keeping with my “Escape Monday†posts I decided to watch all of the Oscar nominated short animations after seeing Paperman a few weeks back to see if any can compare.
Sadly I found the other short animations a little lacking, with the exception of the one I’m about to show you which, while it might not be as emotionally charged as Paperman is still fun to watch and will, even if it’s for a minute, help you escape Monday.
Yeah. I can almost guarantee you you will never look at guacamole the same way again.
You guys have seen the College Humour 16-bit RPG games based on popular TV series right? Sorry, dumb question I know, they’re goddamn hilarious, of course you’ve seen them.
Well, I got my filthy mits on the newest one featuring Homeland, which will make pretty much no sense whatsoever if you haven’t seen the show / ever played an oldschool RPG game.
If you meet those two criteria, please enjoy the video to follow. If you don’t meet those criteria, especially the one involving watching the show, I strongly suggest you sort your shit out man! Homeland is the shizz! Claire Danes literally loses her damn mind, it’s awesome!
Dig it:
“Press ‘A’ to administer shock therapyâ€, classic.
Seriously, I fucking love you man. And no, I’m not writing this in some deranged, sleep deprived state like the last post. If anything, I’m a thousand times the man I was when I banged that one out.
Sure, I’m operating on four hours sleep as I write this and I dragged myself through a gym session that would kill a man half my age, but you have to understand, when Nick Cave releases a new album, my world is complete.
In fact, if you go back through all the posts on this crazy junkyard site, you’ll find this post I wrote about Nick Cave, it was the second post I ever wrote on the site, it has a grand total of 13 views.
I have a lot of respect for Nick Cave because he is a poet, a musician, a storyteller and published author, a screenwriter, an actor, and above all that, a man who I strongly suspect is out of his fucking mind.
I mean fuck! The guy writes an entire album about MURDER (Murder Ballads) that is literally dripping in blood, tragedy and macabre humour and then a year later releases an album of quiet, toned-down, mostly piano-based songs (The Boatman’s Call) that are some of the most strikingly beautiful pieces of music I’ve ever heard.
I fucking love Nick Cave. I love his anger and his vitriol, his hatred and his spite. I love his benevolence and his grace, his wisdom, his humour, his compassion and his understanding.
I love that he can be all of these things, that he can contain such powerful opposing forces within himself without them literally tearing him apart from the inside though God knows they came close.
His new album Push The Sky Away lands on Sunday. Here’s the video for the first single, “Jubilee Streetâ€.
I’ve been watching a lot of short animations and films on the interwebs recently because as a writer, I have a lot of respect for people who have mastered the art of telling a compelling story in a matter of minutes.
Yesterday I tweeted about a short film I watched called “Voice Over†that I thought was rad, but then today I stumbled on this Oscar nominated short film called “Paperman†that you guys HAVE to see.
The first-time director behind this short animation, John Kahrs, uses blended computer-generated and hand-drawn techniques to tell this story and the results speak for themselves.
I know, I know, I’m a big flippin’ softie, but c’mon that was an awesome piece of story-telling wasn’t it?
Follow him on Twitter (@john_kahrs) if you like this animation and read his Oscar Nominee Questionnaire if you wanna find out more about the guy, he seems like a very cool and humble guy.
I’ll track down some more Oscar nominated shorts and put them up if you guys like?
Sometimes on the interwebs you dig up something so cheesy that it goes beyond the limits of being funny because it’s so crap and passes beyond those limits into just being crap.
Remember that video I posted of that rave from 1997? Yeah, that was funny because there were clearly a lot of drugs involved which, when combined with people who clearly can’t handle them, is pretty damn hilarious.
Hollywood hadn’t quite latched onto “the scene†yet though and still thought techno was what all the cool kids were listening to which resulted in this fucking awful scene from the 1996 movie Vibrations.
Brace yourselves. We’re about to head into cybertronic, trance-inducing, inter galactic hardcore neutronic mutilation!
Um… yeah…
Wow. No wonder people started taking ecstasy and going to raves.
ANYTHING to escape that godawful regurgitated 80s “too hip to be square†shite.
Thing is, that doesn’t sound like the techno I remember at all. 2Unlimited was techno! Haddaway was techno! Fucking Whigfield was… Christ, I don’t know what Whigfield was…
Anyway. Have a great Thursday. Be thankful it’s not the 90s
In a move that has rocked the online world, Retroviral (arguably one of SA’s top online communications consultancies) has been nominated for an Oscar in the “Best Use Of Letters Made From Vegetables In A Company Promo Video†category.
“We got the call from the academy this morning,†said Mike Sharman, founder and MD of Retroviral, “it was Nelly Retardo.â€
Since Retroviral started in 2010, the agency has landed some great campaigns and done remarkable work for brands and initiatives such as the Put Foot Rally, SAB, Nandos, 5Gum and Converse all of which is showcased in an innovative way in their annual showreel videos.
“Our inspiration with the first Retroviral showreel vid back in ‘11 was to show how the agency has evolved in a visual way by first writing the titles that are shown on-screen in a moleskin, then on a typewriter, then using a Macbook, then on an iPhone,†said Sharman.
“This time around we stuck with a similar theme, but chose to use a variety of mediums including a cassette tape sleeve, post-its on the bottom of sneakers, alphabet soup and notes stuck to a cork board.
“The coup de grâce though was the vegetable lettering we used at around the 2:30 mark,†continued Sharman, “our competition was Mozam-BLEAK when they saw that part.â€
“For a young agency such as Retroviral, to graduate from the relatively straightforward method of using handwriting and typing in a showreel video to actual vegetable lettering in the space of only one year shows tremendous growth and innovation,†said Hawk Koch, President of the Academy Of Motion Picture Arts And Sciences.
Fans and critics alike are all in agreement that Retroviral’s chance of bagging the award are exceptionally strong considering the brilliant work the agency did in 2012 and the fact that they are the only agency in the category.
“Twenty-twelve was our best year to date,†said Sharman, “we worked with incredible brands, who in turn helped to change some lives – even for a few hours. We made an impact on sales, and we had our name forever etched into a Bronze Cannes Lion, thanks to the creative genius of Black River FC and their Nando’s Last Dictator Standing campaign.â€
Congrats to the Retroviral team: an inspiration to all and a daily reminder of #whywedodigital
The world is changing, it’s becoming a kinder, gentler place for each and every one of us. I have hard evidence of this fact thanks to the video I’ve posted below entitled “True Facts About Morgan Freemanâ€.
It used to be Chuck Norris. We read thousands of true facts about him that amplified his sheer indestructibility, his overpowering manliness and his unquenchable thirst for off-the-chart badassery.
Now, the spotlight is on Morgan Freeman and rightly so because as the video so clearly states, “The only reason the sun rises everyday is because Morgan Freeman narrated that sunrise in his dreams the night before.â€
Part of me says we should thank God for Morgan Freeman, but another, much bigger, all-encompassing part says we should do exactly the opposite.
Please enjoy the following true facts about Morgan Freeman:
After watching that, I find I’m so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head.
I think it’s the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain, but whose path was set in motion by Morgan Freeman.
I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend Morgan Freeman and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams.
In keeping with this week’s theme on the site, namely posting random, disturbing internet videos so I can get away with doing very little actual writing, allow me to present to you “Scientifically Accurate Spider-Manâ€.
