And surprise sur-fucking-prize, it’s South African. I mean holy fucking shit guys, what the fuck is going on here? I don’t know whether to laugh or fucking cry this is so bad.
Dirk van der Westhuizen, please fucking die. I mean what the fuck?! I’m not a fan of mainstream sokkie-treffer Afrikaans music at the best of times but this! Wow dude. Wow.
Autotuned up the fucking wazoo, lekker doef-doef beat in the background, shirts so fucking loud they almost, ALMOST drown out the sound of his shitty singing and THEN it gets to 00:50 and all my faith in humanity burns out in an inferno so intense it makes hell look like a cosy fire on a winter’s night.
I’m not exaggerating. Brace yourselves.
Is that even fucking legal?!
I don’t really know what else to say.
Oh, and props to @GordLaws for sharing this. If anyone asks, he was the source.
Actually, scrap that. That headline should have read “beauty in slow motion†because I swear to god, if you film anything slow enough it looks amazing.
Like an egg breaking for example. Under normal circumstances if you broke an egg, you’d be pissed. Nothing worse than unpacking the groceries and as you lift the egg-box this gloopy mess spills out.
But film that gloopy mess in slow motion and it looks amazing. In the vids you’re about to see, eggs get sliced by swords, whacked by tennis racquets, diced up in blenders and punched and the results are strangely therapeutic.
Every time a 90s rock band rears it’s greasy head from a decade or more of obscurity, I buy the album for nostalgia’s sake only to end up filing it in the overflowing folder of “albums never to give a shit about again.â€
Alice In Chain’s 2009 effort minus their iconic frontman was a sad parody of the band that used to write grunge that was so heavy just listening to it instantly addicted you to heroin.
Stone Temple Pilots and Hole both dropped Frankenstenian albums in 2010 that were nothing more than a sum of the decaying, disused parts from previous albums haphazardly sewn together and zapped (briefly) back to life to terrorise the villagers.
Garbage’s recent album Not Your Kind Of People literally had one decent track on it and the recent Smashing Pumpkins album Oceania, whilst being the best of a bad bunch, was nothing we haven’t all heard before.
Which brings us to Soundgarden’s latest effort, King Animal (in stores today!). You remember Soundgarden right? Growly, screamy vocals, monster grunge riffs, Jesus-complex lyrics (complete with hair and goatee), drums tighter than a nun’s… moral code…
Soundgarden! Back before Chris Cornell joined Audioslave and dragged both the name of Soundgarden and Rage Against The Machine through the mud? Before he decided to team up with Timberlake and record the 2009 solo album Scream, which affirmed what a gigantic fucking worthless douche he was all along?
Ok, maybe that last sentence was a little harsh. I mean shit, a failing grunge musician’s gotta eat right? But to hear one of the best lyricists of the 90s sing “That chick ain’t a part of me†was the final nail in the coffin for me.
I wrote Cornell off completely, as did millions of others, so what did he do? He picked up the phone, called Kim, Matt and Ben and was like, “Guys, I fucked up, please let’s get Soundgarden back together and make a fucking face-melting album so the world can stop laughing at me behind my back.â€
Is King Animal that face-melting album? Until I hear it, I have no fucking idea, but the first single, “Been Away Too Long†is pretty much stock-standard, meat and potatoes Badmotorfinger-era Soundgarden.
Check it:
Huh. Promising? I honestly don’t know. I’ve been let down so many times by 90s rock bands in recent years that I’m starting to think they all should have gone the Cobain route and eaten some buckshot while they were still popular and relevant.
Lemme get my hands on this filthy basterd and who knows? Maybe I’ll shock everyone’s pants off and write an album review – remember when I used to do those?
I’m sorry I have to start your guy’s Monday like this, really I am, but the video you’re about to see is just too goddamn awful not to share.
The sick, twisted fuckers who wrote and produced Rebecca Black’s classic piece of internet garbage, “Fridayâ€, have somehow lured another unsuspecting teenage girl into their recording studio dungeon to record a song about Thanksgiving.
I swear to God, this is “Friday†all over again. Irritating, whiny teenager in too much makeup – check. Lyrics so bad you’d swear a drunk four-year old wrote them – check. Creepy black dude hanging out with teenage girls despite his restraining order – check. And then out comes the drumstick…
Wow. And just like that, Nicole Westbrook’s life is ruined.
Somebody needs to arrest the paedophiles that lure girls into these videos and lock those sick fucking basterds away for life, starting with the fucker in the turkey suit.
I blame the parents. I mean for fuck’s sake, you saw what happened to Rebecca Black, why in the fuck would you ever allow your daughter to work with the same fuckers that made ol’ Bex so unpopular she had to be taken out of highschool because the other kids wouldn’t stop teasing her about how kak “Friday†was?!
And this is basically the exact same song. “First it was Christmas, then New Year after that, then came Easter…†Christ, no shit!
I have a feeling this could provoke an even worse reaction. Singing into a drumstick that looks like a dick is something that the world will never, EVER let you forget.
Your Tiger pal has YOUR best interests at heart. That’s right. His goal in life is to make yours better in every way, whether that’s by making you laugh, helping you to think thoughts, or just playing you some sick summer jams.
It’s been a long week guys, so let’s all kick back, crack open a couple of cold ones and dig this sick South African band that come from The Big Smoke and call themselves The Means.
The video for their new song “Fragile Lines†just landed and I must say, the song is pretty damn catchy which is saying a lot coming from a hardened music critic like your buddy Slicky-T.
Check it:
Very fucking cool ne? I dig it – it’s like The Pixies invited The Cramps over to klap a few bongs, relax to the max and have a jam session.
The Beach Boys might have dropped in as well, just to say hi. But they couldn’t handle the cheese and ended up napping on the couch in the sun.
This shit is too awesome not to share with you guys. I was trolling the interwebs for something rad to post today (another strapped-for-time post, sorry guys!) and I came across this gem.
The premise here is dead simple. Our guy stands near people when they’re on their cell phones, whips his cell phone out and starts answering everything they’re saying.
I described that very badly. Just watch the video below, it gets better as the video goes on so bare with me for the first minute or so and then afterward let’s all hug it out and pop the champagne muthufukkahs cause Friday is only a day of procrastinating away!
The rave scene descended like an ecstasy-induced plague and hung around for a couple of years making an ass out of itself as millions experienced E for the first time and stroked one another inappropriately.
And then, just as quickly as it arrived it seemed to die out. The music evolved and the world tried to pretend like nothing ever happened.
Was I ever a raver? Hell no. I clung stubbornly to grunge and metal in what I’ve come to think over the years was just an attempt to go against the grain. Then I saw this video and realised that I wasn’t being contrary just for the sake of it. I was being contrary because ravers were fucking idiots.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Allow me to present exhibit A: 1997.
Un. Fucking. Believable.
That’s how I picture hell sometimes. I dare you to find one person in that video who wasn’t on a fucking shitload of E.
My favourite is the chick who looks like she’s an extra from Friends in her blue slacks losing her goddamn mind on E and dancing like an utter twat.
Many of you may have read my previous Anton Taylor post when he first won INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MOVEMBER, but just in case you missed it. Here. Click that.
Now that you’re up to speed, let me reveal something to you that I hope you aren’t climbing a ladder when the full impact of it hits you. Are you off the ladder yet? That’s better.
Anton Taylor is BACK. The CHOSEN CHARNA himself has once again accepted the challenge to grow the world’s most incredibly intense moustache and win INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MOVEMBER TWICE!
At least that’s what I think this video is about… Hard to focus on anything in this video behind all that fur and near-nakedness (the bad kind), but I had a good chuckle watching it, which is all I really care about in the end. And men’s cancer, obviously. I care about that too.
Special, ne?
What a motherflippin LEGEND! Only the Chosen Charna could pull that shit off without looking like a man who once tasted sweet glory, who once knew victory and fame, but has since been left by the wayside. Kicked to the curb as it were, and forgotten by the annals of history.
If you thought last week’s Gangnam Busters mashup was weird just wait until you get a load of what the Russians came up with.
The video you’re about to see is definitely not the weirdest video I’ve ever put on this site (that one is here) but it gets the job done, no doubt about that.
Apparently it’s a mashup of Gangnam Style and a Michel Teló (anybody?) song. My favourite bits are the guy dancing with the bottles of booze, the ghost-like old dude jamming with his awesome beard and the dinosaur with the accordion. Holy crap that sentence was awesome…
And if that didn’t get a chuckle out of you, there’s always INTERNETDOG:
My interwebs friends recently sent me the links to all the Nandos #25reasons ads so I thought I’d slap them up on the site to see what you guys think.
Because Nandos is celebrating its 25th birthday, they are calling on all South Africans to give them 25 reasons why we love South Africa.
I think it’s a cool idea, especially because of the fact that Nandos used Pinterest to get people to pin their 25 reasons (I’d be interested to find out how that worked, first local brand I know of who’s tried to use Pinterest for a comp), but I’m just not too sure about the ads themselves.
Maybe I’m being hyper-critical because of the high standard of advertising Nandos usually delivers, but for me, these ads feel like they’re missing the mark.
Here’s the first one, “Nando’s Athletesâ€:
Nice stunts. But I dunno, I think car guards are a little over-used when it comes to comedic subject matter in this country.
Then there’s this one:
Huh. Forgive my whiteness but I have no idea what just happened in that ad.
Why are those brightly-clothed homeys throwing their stuff in the big fire? Why do they all get scared and drive off when the taxi seat gets thrown in the mix?
Perplexing…
This one is pretty straight-forward though:
Ah yes. Good old Nkalakatha. The closest us white saffas ever came to liking kwaito. I have never seen a black person dance to this song. The song starts and Caucasians swarm the dancefloor like white on rice.
This ad nails it when it comes to how white people react to this song though, but it just made me wish a gigantic Monty Python foot would come out of the ceiling and squash her.
Moving on, here’s the most recent one:
You think they’re arriving in Europe, but they’re actually arriving on Cape Town because everyone’s always going on about how first world Cape Town is.
I feel a punch-line eel coming on.
Am I being a gigantic asshole here? I dunno, I’ve just come to expect unbelievably awesome ads from Nandos so like I said in the beginning, maybe my expectations are too high.
Anyone care to step in and defend these ads?
I swear I won’t edit your comments to make them agree with me
And surprise sur-fucking-prize, it’s South African. I mean holy fucking shit guys, what the fuck is going on here? I don’t know whether to laugh or fucking cry this is so bad.
