Them's Fightin' Words

Jus-LAAIK have I just flied back form the flippin’ BUFFEST event IN THE LAND or what! How buff am I talking about here?

Boedie, I’m talking about going up to the city of ous who INVENTED klapping gym, I’m talking about staying in a flippin SIX-STAR hotel, klapping flippin buff-it PRAWNS for supper, flippin GAMBLING with a other ou’s money, getting showferred to Lanzeria airport and meeting my pel Jacque Perrow!

THEN I’m talking about KLAPPING the most Seffrican flight to ever be flied, having a lag at Kurt Schoonrad and getting lekker emotional when secret KWAAIER OUS start singing the Seffrican national song 10,000,0000km above land.

This was another level of brand event, a level where you feel flippin SWAK when it’s all over but you carry the memories inside your flippin BRAIN for all of time.

kulula were of course the BUFF OUS who made all the flippin magic happen. Jus those charnas can make a ou lag! I mean HELL, from the time I arrived at the Cape Town airport and met my first charna of the trip, Murray Turner, until the time when I arrive back in Cape Town the day later now with FIVE new pels, I was lagging for THE ENTIRE TIME!

kulula also know a BELTER from a GROT OTTER, I can tell you that much and they ONLY invited BELTERS on this trip. After I met Murray at the airport I got on the plain to the land of the GYM KLAPPERS and sitting right next to me was BELTER NO.1 of the trip, let’s just call her “The Aeroplain Shouter”.

This chick was on ANOTHER FLIPPIN LEVEL! I was like, “Jus-laaik is this real or have I died and gone to a DREAM!”

Of course, she had nothing on my klap gym BELTER girlfriend J-Rab, you can see lekker pics of her here.

But ja… as per her name, The Aeroplane Shouter’s a bit loud on plains hey? When we took off from Cape Town, the Aeroplane Shouter was having a lekker chat with me and then the aerohostess was like “Hey! You! Flippin shuppud man, I’m trying to read out the safety instructions in case of sudden LOSS OF CABIN PRESSURE, ok?”

The adventure wasn’t over their! In The Land Of Okes Who Invented Klapping It we arrived and it was all dark and stuff already and rainy and hot and their was crazy traffic and charnas trying to crash into us and ous were like “Is this flippin MORDOR or what?!”

On the bus to Monty Casino Hotal where we stayed is where I met my second charna of the trip, Mr Cape Town who can only make a ou lag hey? Jus-LAAIK, with him and ol’ Slicky-T on the trip we had the belters and other ous flippin KAKKING THEY’RE PANT with laughter the WHOLE TIME.

Schweet thing about this Mr Cape Town ou is he’s like a flippin walking CAR BAR! We land on the other side and the ou’s like “Ive got warm Scottish beer in my bag!” and I’m like “Oke! Marry me!”

So the next thing I know we’re at the flippin larniest hotal in the land, Monty Casino, klapping BUFF-IT PRAWNS for supper and drinking Scottish beer what tastes like this fruit punch I made one time for a party but had to hide in my cupboard cause ous were drinking it on roids and klapping ous IN THE FACE and smashing they’re teeth in with chairs and kak and then I found it like a year later and was like, flip what’s that smell and so I drunk it and the next thing I remember I was naked in the street flippin RUGBY TACKLING CARS!

At that time, klapping the prawn buff-it was when I met the last two members of TEAM SLICKY-T, THE TEQUILA MONSTER and my charna Kuil from Jus’ Kickin’ It.

THE TEQUILA MONSTER was another one of the BELTERS kulula invited and FLIPPIN’ HELL! This belter from the minute she arrived until when we all were back was just like “WHO WANTS TEQUILA? LETS HAVE TEQUILA! COME HERE, DRINK THIS TEQUILA, DON’T BE A FLIPPIN MOF!”

So ja, we were the best of pels even though she made me feel like a ou had PUNCHED me in the liver the next day.

Kuil was a bit of a doos in the beginning, but then he gave us all his money to gamble with and we lost it and he was like “whatever, schweet” and I was like, “what a flippin legend!”

Also, when he rehalized I was THE SlickTiger what writed “Klapping Gym” he gave me this lekker long hug and I was like “Flip Kuil is that a banana in your pocket boet? I’m lekker hungry ou, do you mind if I have it?”

And he was like, “NO! I’m, um. Saving it for later…” Which is fine. A ou’s banana is his banana. NEVER eat that ous banana if he’s saving it for later. Unless, you know, you’ve had a bit of brannewyn en coke and ‘”Careless Whisper” is playing and the ou is passed out on the couch and stuff…

But ja. Anyway.

The next day we started early and went to Lanzeria airport where their was gumboot dancers, ous flippin JUGGLING soccer balls, photo booths and the best of all, my good buddy JACQUE PERROW rapping his songs before we all got on the most Seffrican flight.

Only the MOST Seffrican ous could go on this flight and what a collection of Seffrican ous did we see! One-legged bee-keepers from Bloemfontein, nervous Indian okes in circus clothes, the WORKS BOET!

I sat next to this lekker ou of the name of DANIEL who was all quiet in the beginning of the trip while I was klapping my padkos and schmaaking all the flippin SPACE I had around me for my PECS, BICEPS, TRICEPS, LATS, TRAPS and DELTS on kulula’s new planes which are obviously built for ous who like to KLAP IT.

Then the most hectic stuffs happened when we were reached 10,000,0000km above the land. Charnas were like, “Ok ous, let’s sing our national song” and I was like “Flip man, I can’t sing for kak, how embarassing are this going to be?” when my charna Daniel next to me suddenly stood up and started singing the national song in the voice of a angle!

There were secret flippin CHOIR NINJAS on the plane! About 10 of the ous what sang with lank EMOTION and made ous cry they felt so proud to be Seffrican and stuff.

Not me though. Everyone knows COWBOYS DON’T CRY BOET. My eyes were just watering because of the sour worms oke, jus-LAAIK…

After that I had a lekker jol with my old pel Jacque Perrow and this pic got taken of us too buff ous looking flippin TUFF!

The plain took us in a lekker big circle over some of The Land Of Okes Who Invented Klapping It’s most beautiful attractions like Haartebeespoort Dam, Sun City and the Mine Dumps.

This was a flight like no other. Ous were all talking to the other ous, finding out more about each other, sharing there stories and having a lag. It were the only time I can remember charnas being treated like kings and queens of the land just because we were all Seffrican.

kulula are flippin LEGENDS for reminding us that no matter all the bad stuff, we can still laugh, we can still be proud that we come from this land because their is no one else in all the world like us and their never will be.

After we landed, me and my new blogger buddy charnas klapped a beer together at the Lanzeria airport bar and agreed that it had been a amazing 24 hours of SHOUTING ON AEROPLANES, DRINKING SCOTTISH BEER, SMASHING TEQUILA, GAMBLING WITH KUIL’S MONEY, CHILLING WITH JACQUE PERROW, BEING PROUDLY SEFFRICAN ON A FLIPPIN PLAIN, LAGGING UNTIL OUR ABS WERE LEKKER STIFF and BEING TREATED LIKE FLIPPIN KINGS AND QUEENS OF THE LAND!

To all the kulula ous who made the trip possible, thank you for inviting us to be a part of the most Seffrican flight ever, it was a MASSIVE JOL from start to finish.

To the members of Team Slicky-T, The Aeroplane Shouter, The Tequila Monster, Kuil, Mr Cape Town and Murray thanks for putting up with all my kak for a full 24 hours, you ous deserve a prize or something.

Until next time buff ous and serious belters, keep KLAPPING IT!

-ST