I read Stereogum from time to time because I like to be one of the cool kids when it comes to music and the kids at Stereogum are so fucking cool it makes my balls hurt just thinking about them.
They’re not as cool as the kids at Pitchfork though. Phwoar! Those kids listen to bands that haven’t even been invented yet.
So I was cruising Stereogum on the weekend when I came across a video by Lana Del Ray called “Blue Jeans†that I thought was pretty decent. Sultry vocals, twanging guitars, and lyrics I honestly didn’t think were that bad. Pop your headphones on and give this a spin…
Ok, so her get up at the end is a little crazy and her top lip does kinda look like it’s shot so full of collagen it might never move again, but I liked the track. It’s got a whimsical / haunting feeling to it that reminds me a little of Heather Nova meets Chris Isaak.
Don’t tell the Stereogum kids I said that though because hoo-wee, they HATED this song.
Lana Del Rey is a tedious contrivance and she’s already way overexposed. I hate the simpering singing style and the smarmy image. Apparently a lot of dorks have boners for her narcotized, cosmetic-surgery-mutated face, so they’ll fool themselves into liking the insipid music. Taking the song off of SoundCloud was clearly a desperate ploy to get people to look at her; unfortunately for her, that face and her relentless posing are about as likely to repel as they are to entice.
Hahaha! I must admit, that one was pretty funny in a really ruthless kinda way. Here’s another gem:
She is obviously being marketed REALLY hard. She got a lot of plastic surgery (which looks really fake btw), makes music that recycles pretty much everything very liberally, especially 50s pop music, and of course markets to indie blogs, in hopes of having crossover fans when she makes it big.
In 2 years or less she will be on top 40 radio and 12 year old girls. All of this is entirely not related to music of course. I think the song is pretty catchy, and I like the song “Video Games†even more. But all in all, I have an extremely time ‘buying it’ when it feels so inauthentic.
And another one:
Some of the most horrible lyrics ever written. You know it’s bad when “you’re so fresh to death as sick as cancer†isn’t the most eye-rolling lyric. Lizzy Grant, aka Lana Del Ray, is trying to succeed Patrick Monahan as the worst lyricist in music.
Am I out of my mind here or are these people being fucking trolls?
I think this track is pretty cool. I also really love the one that made her famous (“Video Gamesâ€), included below for your listening / viewing pleasure:
What do you crazy kids think?
-ST
