Archive for March, 2011



14
Mar
11

The Sport That Is Barrel Rolling

It’s an intensely contentious debate as to who invented barrel rolling first, the Scots or the Irish, but the fact remains that to this day, barrel rolling remains the 287th most popular sport in the world and is played by roughly 311 people annually.

The sport is relatively new to South Africa but already has a dedicated following of between 5 and 8 people who understand the profound connection between man and barrel and have made it their life’s work to study and understand this phenomenally complex, rewarding and competitive sport.

One of these people, Mike Sharman, was among the first to enter a team into this year’s Bushmills South African Barrel Rolling Championship and went so far as to issue a challenge to another barrel rolling enthusiast and online pseudo-celebrity, Shaun Oakes.

The result is this deeply moving and inspiring piece of film that Sharman and his crew put together both explaining his love for the sport and throwing down the gauntlet for Oakes to step up his game and roll a barrel like no man has ever rolled a barrel before!

 

 

Too awesome. De Waal Park on Thursday. My god it will be epic.

-ST

11
Mar
11

A Whole Bunch Of Random Cool Shit For Friday

Guys, it’s muthufukkin’ FRIDAY and I don’t know about you, but alls I can say is thank FUCK! Let’s hit the sauce Winking smile

Oh and thanks for all the good vibes yesterday, J-Rab’s job interview went well and they’ve asked her to come back next week Monday to work for a day and get a feel for the place. If she digs it and they dig her, employment seems imminent. Hallelujah brothers and sisters! There is light at the end of the tunnel and for once it doesn’t look like a train.

So yeah, to kick off the Friday randomness, here’s a rad ad Jennyjenjen sent me yesterday.

 

 

Then there’s this beauty sent in by my main man Civilian:

 

 

And in case you guys missed it (I know it’s been doing the rounds) here’s probably the most well written newspaper article I’ve ever read (thanks Peggles!).

 

 

“Anaconda-like whoppers”! Hahahaha! Journalism in this country rocks.

And because Friday just isn’t Friday without hotties, here’s Aubrey O’Day, a good friend of mine who could very well be made entirely of bronze wax and hair extensions:

 

 

Here endith the lesson. Amen.

Have a killer weekend party people, I’ll see you crazy cats at the bar Winking smile

-ST

10
Mar
11

The Simple Things

Today we stop everything we’re doing and take a minute to reflect on the inherent joy in the simple things.

We went to the beach a few weekends back and I took the following picture of a tree:

 

 

This picture perfectly sums up what I’m talking about. The tiny wooden bridge, the thick green grass, the white sand, you can almost feel it between your toes, these simple things are important. They have a way of lifting your spirits when life gets shitty – losing sight of these simple pleasures is a one way ticket to misery and brother, you don’t want to take that ride.

Children understand this without having to be told. They can spend hours picking up and scrutinising shells on a beach or getting totally lost in the simple act of making mud pies but as we get older bigger, badder things come our way and it’s easy to get lost in the fight.

Take pleasure in a simple act today. Run a bath, eat some ice cream, go for a swim, listen to Frank Sinatra, go for a walk, climb a tree. We give a lot of time away without realising that it’s really all we have and it’s running out fast. So take some back today, it’s good for the soul.

In other news J-Rab has a job interview today at a vet that would be perfect for her. She’s nervous for the interview, we’ve got a lot riding on this so guys, spare a thought for her today, cross fingers, cross toes, send good vibes and maybe that simple act will change our lives Winking smile

Here’s hopin’.

-ST

09
Mar
11

Album Review: Radiohead – King Of Limbs

As a music critic one of the biggest schoolboy errors you can make is to write off a Radiohead album as rubbish because those same songs that went over your head completely on the first few listens can become your favourites given time.

It is for this reason that I am extremely hesitant in calling King Of Limbs the weakest album that Radiohead has recorded to date because I realise fully that my initial perception of it could change at any moment.

 

 

Still though, at 20+ listens I’m usually batshit over their albums and sadly that’s not the case with King Of Limbs.

Sure, the production is slick and Thom Yorke’s vocals are as dexterous, haunting and fresh as ever, especially on the album’s first single “Lotus Flower”, but there’s something quintessentially RADIOHEAD that’s missing from this album.

The opening tracks “Bloom” and “Morning Mr Magpie” float past in a stuttering, meandering arrangement of pianos, customary post-OK Computer shuffling drum beats, blaring horns and repetitive melodies that don’t have a single hook to share among them.

“Little By Little” is a great track though and sounds like it would be right at home on Hail To The Thief with its full, multi-layered percussion, catchy basslines and ingeniously subliminal guitar parts. It’s the Radiohead we know and love and one of the few rays of light on this album.

 

 

“Lotus Flower” is also a phenomenal track. It hangs in the balance between the sinister and the sublime, finally breaking free in a moment of catharsis as Yorke’s vocals soar above the stratosphere as the song reaches its climactic chorous.

“Slowly we unfurl / As Lotus flowers / And all that I want is the moon upon a stick / Dancing around the pit / Just to see what it is” Yorke sings in a voice so pure and unrestrained it gives me chills every time I hear it.

In comparison the rest of the material on King Of Limbs is pretty mediocre. “Codex”, for all its glorious melancholy sounds like a recycled version of “Pyramid Song”, “Give Up The Ghost” sounds like a bad cover of “Nude” and the instrumental track “Feral” is pure, unadulterated filler.

And that, bar the echoey, limp closing track “Separator” is that. Eight tracks that are almost all pretty much instantly forgettable and it’s over before it ever really started.

There are rumours of a second King Of Limbs album being released shortly and all I can say is I hope they’re true and I hope that the second one is better in every conceivable way than the first because if this is the best this band can do then I sense an imminent hiatus on the cards.

Final Verdict: 6/10

08
Mar
11

A Song For A Rainy, Broke-Ass Day

To everyone who responded to yesterday’s post, J-Rab and I thank you.

We celebrated the fact that there are indeed people out there who care with an extra helping of gravy on our rice last night and chased that down with a tepid glass of tap water while we still have some.

We awoke this morning to find that the nest of rats we share our bed with have had more babies which is great news as they are a tasty treat when skewered and roasted lightly over a trash can fire.

 

 

It’s a rainy day so I thought I’d post this song because it seems fitting.

It’s David Gray with the tack “Nightblindness”. Take it away David.

 

 

So yeah. Ain’t life peachy.

Have a great day everyone. If anyone needs me I’ll be rifling through the trash in the back alleys of Longstreet.

-ST

07
Mar
11

Tiger In Flames

I don’t have any illusions when I write this blog, I know it’s not going to bring me fame and riches and I think I’m fine with that.

To get fame and riches you have to tow the line and I’ve always been lousy at that so I just write whatever the hell I feel like writing because as long as I’m doing that, keeping the posts up, maybe making a few people laugh here and there, I feel like I’m making some kind of progress, slow as that might be.

 

 

I also learned pretty early on that when it comes to a blog site, the very most you can ask of people is that they hit your site. Not even necessarily read your stuff, just hit the site so your numbers tick over.

Anything more than that is an added bonus, something unexpected, which is why I value the comments people leave here so much because that’s the highest level of engagement you could ever ask for on a blog site.

As sad as it might sound the hard truth of the matter is that on the interwebs people wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire and I’m not saying that in an angry or bitter way, I’d be a hypocrite if I were because I wouldn’t piss on anyone if they were on fire either.

Ironically, all this preamble is of course leading to the moment where I ask you guys to help a Tiger out, as futile as that might be, so let’s just skip the foreplay and get down to it.

The gig I had writing for Pulpmag.co.za has unfortunately come to an end. They’d still love to publish my content but due to lack of support from advertisers, can no longer afford to pay me for it and that news couldn’t possibly have come at a worse time.

J-Rab is between jobs at the moment and the money is drying up fast.

 

 

I need to land something in the next three weeks, a couple of somethings ideally, so that I can bring home a little extra bacon, so I’m firing this out there into the ether to see if you or anyone you know is looking for a writer, doesn’t matter what it is, I’ll write the shit out of it.

Hit me on tellthetiger@gmail.com if you know of anything. I can’t really give you anything in return, but I’ll put in a good word with the universe, we go way back Winking smile

Yours in soon to be abject squalor,

-ST

04
Mar
11

It Probably Seemed Like A Great Idea At The Time…

Posing with your mom for a print advert, pretty harmless right?

Posing with your mom for a ‘Got Milk’ advert? Hmm, we’re starting to get into some dangerous territory here…

But posing with your mom when she’s Sofia Vergara in this specific Got Milk ad could very well be the dumbest move in a career that started and ended in pretty much exactly the same moment.

Ladies and gentlemen I present to you, my new favourite Got Milk ad:

 

 

So yeah, that strapping young lad is Manolo Vergara, Sofia’s 19 year old son and no, he’s NEVER gonna live this down.

“It has protein and potassium that have helped my little body become, well, not so little.” Hells yeah! Milk did that?! Christ-on-a-bike it really is amazing!

 

 

These ads have always creeped me out because seriously, what milk does that to your upper lip? They’re bad enough without the blatant oedipal references, what the fuck is wrong with Americans? Are these the lengths they have to go to to get people to drink milk?

And who says it’s that amazing for you? Did anyone ever stop to think that we’re drinking another mammal’s lactate, and not just while we’re young, but throughout our entire lives? Not to mention all the crazy-assed growth hormones that milk is also probably rich in, which does lend a little credence to how Sofia’s little body got not so little.

Here’s a better idea: drink whisky.

 

 

And with those wise words I’m outta here. Have a killer weekend party people, I’ll see you crazy cats on the other side.

-ST

03
Mar
11

The Fighter

What’s not to like about a boxing movie that has Mark Wahlberg and Christian Bale in the lead roles with the delectable Amy Adams supporting?

 

 

Sure, the plot is pretty predictable and follows the same loose format that every boxing movie since Rocky does (down and out boxer gets his ass handed to him, struggles with internal and external conflict, sorts his shit out, trains like a beast and starts kicking serious ass) but the bottom line here is that, in one simple sentence, Bale MAKES this movie.

He might be a total asshole is real life, but holy shit the man can act, and watching him portray “Irish” Micky Ward’s (Wahlberg’s) manic, crack-addled brother Dicky in the movie is nothing short of mesmerising.

Mark Wahlberg is no slouch in this movie either and brings that same instantly likeable charm to the screen that he does in nearly every movie he’s ever starred in. It’s just a pity his character doesn’t have the same depth to him that Bale’s does, but conversely, if he did it could very well have diverted from Bale’s killer performance, which would have in turn affected the movie’s overall impact.

 

 

Wahlberg gets the job done and does it well. He’s also flippin’ MASSIVE AND RIPPED in this movie which is pretty lekker charna cause a oke who KLAPS IT is a pretty kief guy in my books hey boychay?

Amy Adams also does a decent job of playing Charlene, Wahlberg’s love interest in the movie and somehow manages to walk that fine line between getting you to like her and getting you to think she’s a total bitch at the same time. The scenes where she goes up against Wahlberg’s seven trashy sisters are highly entertaining as are the sisters themselves who seem to spend their lives slouching around their mom’s house judging people.

 

 

Bale deserved the Best Supporting Oscar for this one because of his flawless portrayal of a character type he’s never done before. His loose, goofy acting style and the fact that he lost so much weight for this movie are both testament to this man’s incredible ability to literally become a completely different person.

I’d highly recommend checking this film out if you’re a fan of Bale’s work or if you’re in the mood for a feel-good story about an underdog with a lot of heart who literally fights his way through life and ultimately wins.

Final Verdict: 8/10

-ST

02
Mar
11

Just What Your Day Needed: Some China Smack

The world is a fucked up place, that’s pretty much an undisputed fact, and thanks to the interwebs we now have irrefutable proof of that fact that can be sent in convenient hyperlinks to friends and family who are bored at work.

My main man Peggles went through a dark phase a few years ago when he would drudge up the sickest shit he could possibly find on the interwebs and send the links to us in some weird attempt at psychologically scarring us all for life and he was pretty damn successful.

So when he sent me a link to this site called China Smack, I was understandably nervous about opening it at work because China, as we all know, is a very fucked up place.

 

 

Having said that, pretty much nothing could have prepared me for the stories about sex education classes for elementary school children, 12-year old models, homeless Mongolians living in sewers, “Boiled Alive Cat” being served in restaurants, and a particularly disturbing story about a guy who skinned a dog in the street.

It’s all right here at http://www.chinasmack.com/

There’s also funny stuff there too. It’s not all abusing mentally handicapped children and lewd stories about how to make a home-made Fleshlight (don’t ask).

In the interest of bridging the social divide between us and those crazy basterds in the east, I urge you to visit that site.

Just make sure no one can see your screen or you might be called into an unexpected meeting with the HR lady.

-ST

01
Mar
11

A Post For Salome

I always felt bad because when Stikey and I, at the tender age of about 15, decided to run away from home, we passed Salome in the street and lied to her about where we were going.

She could see that something was up. Two adolescent shit-kickers dragging a colossal tog bag up the road randomly in the middle of the afternoon. Not normal.

She asked us where we were going and I told her I was spending the night at Stikey’s place and not to worry about us and yes, our parents knew about it.

Then we high-tailed it up the street, jumped in a black taxi and drove to a Formula One hotel where we spent the night getting as wasted as humanly possible and freaking out completely that our parents were going to disown us.

We were asshole kids and we did a lot of asshole things, but lying to Salome like that, it never sat well with me.

I don’t remember if I ever apologised to her for that. To this day I still don’t know if my parents asked her if she’d seen me that afternoon and what she said.

I’m not sure it matters anymore. Salome died yesterday afternoon.

Let it be known, for as long as this junkyard site stands, that Salome was a  good person, that she went to church every Sunday and said her prayers, that she was a gentle soul and that she deserved to live longer and see her grandkids grow up big and strong.

Salome was young, younger than my mom is now when she died, too young.

She used to give the softest hugs.

I think that’s what I’ll remember about her the most. She gave the softest hugs and she had a great laugh that could always make you laugh.

And holy shit, she make the best goddamn chicken mayonnaise rolls you’ve ever tasted in your life! I swear to God, her chicken mayonnaise rolls were so good, I’d save them for the end of my school day and eat them on the rowing bus going back home with this big dumb smile on my face.

I’m older now and I understand that life is cruel, but why the fuck did it have to be so cruel to her? What the fuck did she ever do to deserve losing her daughter who died right next to Salome on the bed in the tiny room that Salome used to live in, what did she ever do to deserve that?

I remember one night she spoke to me about it, she came to me for answers, she wanted to know how the God she loved could do that, but what could I tell her? What the fuck do you say to  someone who’s been through that?

I hugged her because there was nothing I could say. I just hugged her for the longest time, until she’d stopped crying and I told her things would be ok, they would get better.

She used to give the softest hugs Salome, and if there is a God, she’s giving her daughter one of those hugs right now and they’re together in a world that’s much, much better than this one.

 

 

-ST