Them's Fightin' Words

My mom’s ok. She’s not great, she’s definitely not strong enough to be left alone, but she’s out the hospital and they’ve at least managed to stabilise her heart.

It looks like it was a heart attack, her left ventricle is extremely weak and they think that’s what caused it.

Thanks to everyone who sent best wishes, most of you have never met her, but she’s a great person, someone I love and respect deeply, I try to tell her that stuff to her face, but she doesn’t believe me.

But she’s getting better. “I have so much to live for,” she told me this afternoon, “I have a life that I enjoy and get fulfilment out of, I have great friends, I live in a wonderful little house, I have you, I have your dad, there are just so many things I’m thankful for every day, it really is great to be alive…”

She told me that, this afternoon. In my head, she told me those things and everything was fine.

Everything was fine this afternoon, when she told me those things, when she smiled and laughed like she used to and she was rosy-cheeked and radiant and she looked in my eyes, grateful, and said to me, ‘You’re a great son. I could never have asked for better. You’re the best son in the world.”

And I smiled when she said that, and I hugged her. Smiled and hugged her and everything was fine, just fine, in my head.

Everything is just fine. Everything is just fine. Everything is just fine.

Just fine. Just fine. Just fine. Fine. It’ll be fine.

Everything will be fine. Everything will work out. Everything will be ok. Don’t worry. Never worry about anything. Just trust that everything will be fine and it will be fine.

Just trust and pray to nothing that everything will be fine. Pray as hard as you can, to nothing, that everything will be fine, and you’ll see, in the end of the day, everything will be fine.

Everything will be fine. It’s not right now. But it will be. Right now everything is fucked, but it will all get better and the world will laugh at you for getting all worked up over nothing.

Everything will be fine. You did the best you could.

You’re a great son, she said so herself.

Didn’t she…?

-ST