Them's Fightin' Words

Wow, this week’s been too crazy guys, too fucking crazy so I chose a nice and short problem to NAIL rather than some long, drawn out, deeply psychologically troubled mail to deal with gently… tenderly… lovingly…

This week’s problem comes from a guy who likes to call himself “Jeanunderpantman”. Um… okaayyy.

Howzit Slick,

I’ve gotthis major problem where I prefer jerking off to havign actual sex with my girlfriend, its just feels tighter and better. Do you think if she lets me try anal it weill be better? How can I convince her to try it?

Jeanunderpantman

Jeanunderpantman (I’ll just call you JP), lemme just say congratulations. Actually managing to start your computer, READ this site, REPLY to Tell The Tiger with an actual email (though shockingly spelled) and SEND it without incident couldn’t have been easy.

Pat yourself on the back. You have done well.

As for your problem, I have a few solutions:

1) Send us a pic of your gf. There is a good chance that you prefer fucking your hand because SHE’S UGLY AS SIN. If she is UGLY AS SIN, riding the Hershey Highway might temporarily make sex with her better, but in the long run you’re probably going to have to trade her in for a better looking ho, yo.

2) If she isn’t a total GROT OTTER as it were, the problem might be that her lady garden is a little loose. Has she had kids? How many? Be honest with me here dude, I can’t help you if you aren’t straight with me. Of course, the other alternative is that your cheloger is too small. Probably kill yourself if this is the problem. No one likes a man packing a silk worm.

3) You could be a cock smoker. Test this out by turning off ‘Safe Search’ in Google and typing ‘ripped gym boys’. I made that mistake once. I’m blind now. You might really enjoy it though, in which case you should probably swap your lady for a lady-boy. I hear Thailand specialises in them.

Hope that helps JP, let us know how everything pans out for ya buddy.

That’s all for this weeks Tell The Tiger, peace out party people and have a killer weekend!

-ST

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Remember, if you have difficulties with life in any way, size, shape or form, you too can Tell The Tiger by simply mailing him on tellthetiger@gmail.com and he will do his level best to address your troubles or your money back!