Last night I was listening to 702 and they had this pretty interesting debate going on about Hubbly Bubblies (or Hookah pipes) because apparently a lot of teenage kids are smoking them and it’s destroying their lives.
It’s your typical Little Johnny story where Little Johnny starts out innocently smoking a Hubbly or two with his friends and then a year down the line in mainlining heroine and smoking cocks for cash.
I couldn’t really believe what I was hearing though, they brought in some expert or other who asked the question, What happens when the kids get bored of smoking molasses through water?
The answer, he said, is they replace the water with Vodka. I was totally outraged – what a waste of Vodka! Fucking drink the Vodka you retards!
Then what happens when they get bored of the molasses? Well, then they smoke dagga, through Vodka (siff!). And when they get bored of the dagga? Then they mix mandrax in there, and eventually heroine.
Aaahh, the youth of today. Pretty much identical to the youth of yesterday. I remember back in highschool we tried all kinds of really dangerous and fucked up shit, everything from getting good and wasted on butane to smoking matches (I know, what the fuck?) to drinking metholated spirits strained through bread.
I swear, I would have been a fucking rocket scientist if it weren’t for the massive amounts of damage I did to my brain when I was a kid.
Worst was this one buddy of mine, we’ll call him Duck. Duck came to school one Monday looking like a pile of horse shit and when I asked him how his weekend was, he said Awesome!
‘Dude, you have to try this thing we found out, fucking AMAZING!’
‘What thing?’
‘You have to smoke Myprodol in a cigarette, ffffaaaaahhhhhhkkkkkk!’
‘Mypro-who?’
‘Myprodol dude! Fucking AMAZING!’
‘Yeah, you said… amazing how?’
‘Dude, like, colours and fucking weird sounds and everything!’
‘Um, ok. I think my mom has some, thanks for the good advice.’
Worst. Idea. Ever. It tasted like crap, it tasted worse than crap, it tasted chemical and really, really evil. I snuck out the kitchen door and smoked it in the back yard while my parents were sleeping and all I remember was feeling like my heart was going to burst through my chest and having to hold on to the grass because the world was spinning so fast I was convinced I was gonna fly off it.
Back at school the next day, Mosquito, this little irritating kid asked me why I looked like crap. I grinned.
‘Dude, you have to try this thing we found out…’
As for Hubblies though, I would definitely recommend that kids, and people in general, stay the hell away from them. In varsity we had one for a year or two, but near the end, started noticing that smoking it was becoming as pleasant as sucking a car exhaust pipe.
We tried a lot of different things to clean the Hubbly out, one of which was to detach the hose part and blow into it to see what would come out and no shit, this HUGE cloud of fine black and silvery dust exploded out the end.
‘What the hell is that?’ my digsmate Graumpot asked.
‘No idea dude,’ I replied.
‘Blow again.’
I blew again. A second black and silvery cloud came out.
‘Fuck, have we been breathing this stuff into our lungs?’ Graum asked.
‘I think so…’
‘Huh. I guess that explains why we’ve had pneumonia for the last three months.’
‘I guess it does.’
‘Let’s never smoke Hubbly again.’
‘Let’s do that.’
Out of sheer curiosity we cut the hose open after that and found a crusty, rusted and foul smelling spring coiled inside there.
A spring! That’s what they put inside Hubbly hoses. People, you have been warned.
In other news, I heard a rumour it’s FRIDAY FUCK YEAH! I got one plan and one plan ONLY this weekend and that’s stay the fuck in bed, and I’d urge anyone reading this to do the same.
Until then, stay warm, don’t let the kak weather get you down cause as soon as it breaks and the sun beats down again, strong and hot, we’re all going streaking in the streets 🙂
-ST
